BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Why Didn't a T. Rex Eat Eve?

Yo.

The L.A. Times has a super scary article on --

"The plane that was supposed to fly into the 'Liberty' Tower?!"

No.

"Muslim terrorists who want to destroy the Universal City Walk?!"

Nope.

"Islamic jihadists who want to blow up The Grove?!"

No.

Some guy who travels around the country teachin' kids creationism...and arming them with the "tools they need" to attack those of us who believe in evolution.

"Aaagghhh!"

Read on:
WAYNE, N.J. — Evangelist Ken Ham smiled at the 2,300 elementary students packed into pews, their faces rapt. With dinosaur puppets and silly cartoons, he was training them to reject much of geology, paleontology and evolutionary biology as a sinister tangle of lies.

"Boys and girls," Ham said. If a teacher so much as mentions evolution, or the Big Bang, or an era when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, "you put your hand up and you say, 'Excuse me, were you there?' Can you remember that?"

The children roared their assent.

Gabriel-era Genesis for ya.
"Sometimes people will answer, 'No, but you weren't there either,' " Ham told them. "Then you say, 'No, I wasn't, but I know someone who was, and I have his book about the history of the world.'"

He waved his Bible in the air.

"Who's the only one who's always been there?" Ham asked.

"God!" the boys and girls shouted.

"Who's the only one who knows everything?"

"God!"

"So who should you always trust, God or the scientists?"

The children answered with a thundering: "God!"
"JESUS."

Yeah, right?

"IT'S OKAY TO TRUST THE SCIENTISTS, KIDS."

It's Ken Ham you gotta worry about.
Ham encourages people to further their research with the dozens of books and DVDs sold by his ministry.
"THERE WE GO."

Bet he gives those books and DVDs away for free.

"NOT!"
They give answers to every question a critic might ask:
Get ready:
How did Noah fit dinosaurs on the ark?

He took babies.
You see what we're dealing with?
Why didn't a tyrannosaur eat Eve?

All creatures were vegetarians until Adam's sin brought death into the world.
"WOW. BRILLIANT. HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ONE."

Me neither.
How can we have modern breeds of dog like the poodle if God finished his work 6,000 years ago?

He created a dog "kind" — a master blueprint — and let evolution take over from there.
Enough.

"HE'S KINDA RIGHT ON THAT ONE, THOUGH. I MADE, LIKE, A COUPLE OF KINDS, AND THEN EVERYONE WENT CRAZY WITH THE CROSS-BREEDING."

Crazy?

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN."

Yep.

When I was a little dude at St. Bernard's Roman Catholic School in Mt. Lebanon, PA, we used to bombard the nuns with questions about Genesis.

Like, "Did God really create everything in seven days? Did God really create everything in seven days? Did God really create everything in seven days?"

Sister Mary Whoever's answer?

"Not seven of our days, you nitwits! Seven of His days! And each of those days could've been a billion kazillion years."

"SHE WAS RIGHT."

Thank you, Lord.

"THE FIRST DAY TOOK A BAZILLION YEARS."

Read the whole article - try not to pull your hair out.

"AND THE LAMB...LIES DOWN...ON BROADWAY!"

More later...

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home