BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Now...Who Wants to Party?!

Yo.

"The image of him falling is something I'll never ever be able to get out of my mind," Cheney said. "I fired, and there's Harry falling. It was, I'd have to say, one of the worst days of my life at that moment."

Well, DICK, how do you think some of your soldiers feel...after they shoot an innocent kid?

Think about it.

*

By now...ya know the story:
HUME: Was anybody drinking in this party?

THE OLD MAN: No. You don't hunt with people who drink. That's not a good idea. We had --

HUME: So he wasn't, and you weren't?

THE OLD MAN: Correct. We'd taken a break at lunch -- go down under an old -- ancient oak tree there on the place, and have a barbecue.

I had a beer at lunch.

After lunch we take a break, go back to ranch headquarters. Then we took about an hour-long tour of ranch, with a ranch hand driving the vehicle, looking at game.

We didn't go back into the field to hunt quail until about, oh, sometime after 3:00
p.m. The five of us who were in that party were together all afternoon.

Nobody was drinking, nobody was under the influence.
All right.

I'm with him: Not gonna question the VP. Don't want "the man" knockin' on me door.

However...

His answer takes me back to a very special place -- The Onion.

Man Blames Hangover On Everything But How Much He Drank

Pure genius:
BETHEL PARK, PA — Speaking slowly and moving stiffly Tuesday, Pittsburgh-area resident Matt Van Duyne attributed his hangover to everything but the excessive amount of alcohol he'd consumed the previous night.

"One big problem was the empty stomach," said Van Duyne, holding his head and taking deep breaths. "I really should know by now to make sure to eat a piece of pizza or some french fries or something before doing any drinking.

That kind of greasy, high-carb stuff works best, I find, because it really soaks up the alcohol.

Another thing I neglected to do was drink a lot of water.

That's key.

Also, I forgot to take my usual two aspirins before going to bed, which helps a lot."

*

"This happens every time I drink Gallo, especially red," Van Duyne said. "That stuff really gives me a hangover. It probably has something to do with all the sulfites they use."

Though Van Duyne describes himself as a social drinker, coworkers say he frequently arrives at work asking them to "take it easy on [him]" because of a hangover he attributes to everything but excessive drinking.

"My favorite is when he explains that he forgot to follow the 'beer before liquor, never sicker' rule," coworker Thomas Juno said. "Sorry, Matty, but when you're pounding six of each in just over three hours, I don't think it really matters what order you drink them in."

*

Longtime friend Pete Sirois, 27, heard a new excuse last Friday night, when he and Van Duyne went drinking at Anchor Inn.

"Matt was doing all these different shots—Stoli, Jack Daniels, Jägermeister—you name it," Sirois said. "He was really wasted. I talked to him the next night, and he was complaining about how he still had a headache, because he 'failed to stay consistent [with his liquors].' I'm like, 'Yeah, if only you'd done vodka shots all night, you would've been fine.'"

"The amazing thing is, he hardly ever uses the same excuse twice," Sirois continued.

"One time, it might be 'I stupidly combined champagne with hard lemonade,' and the next, 'I should've known better than to mix liquor with diet soda.' He must devote more time to researching hangovers than he does to his job."
Read the whole piece.

Nothing better than The Onion. 'Cept The Simpsons.

(And The Big Lebowski. And The Office UK.)

In the meantime, check out Harry Whittington's blog.

Oh, the "internets."

More later...

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