BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Can't you people take the law into your own hands?

Yo.

Josh Marshall has a couple of interesting questions for ya:
How big is the Kenedy County Sheriff's Department?

They rapidly concluded that "this was nothing more than a hunting accident."

But how big an outfit is it exactly?

Kennedy County has a population of 414 people, which makes it the fourth smallest county in the United States.

The 50,000 acre Armstrong Ranch is in Kennedy County.

So I figure the Armstrongs probably have a lot of pull in county government.

So, just a question: how thorough was the investigation of what happened?
Ready?
"Yeah, okay, I, uh, just have a few questions here about the, uh, shoo -- "

"I'm sorry, officer. Were you talking?"

"Um, oh, uh, no. No. No. I was just, uh...that's a nice cap."

"Condi gave it to me."

"Okay then."

(Long pause.)

"I'll be on my way."
Could've gone this way:
Bzzz.

Bzzz.

Bzzz.

"(Sqwak) Armstrong resdience."

"Yes, I'm from the, uh, Kennedy County Sheriff's department. I'm here to, uh, talk to -- "

"(Sqwak) We don't want any."

(Pause)

"Okay then."

(Longer pause)

"I'll be on my way."
Maybe the "investigation" went like this:
"Have you finished your report?"

"Well, uh, yeah."

(Pause)

"Yes, yes?"

"Well, uh, according to the, uh...TV...FOX News...the victim, uh, stabbed himself...in the face...with a fork."

"And?"

"And everybody else was, uh, drinking Dr. Pepper."

(Longer pause)

"And playing Scrabble."

(Longer pause)

"Good enough for me."

"Okay then."
Youfeelingme?
"This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."

"All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge."

"Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!"

"Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!"

"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"
More later...

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