BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Voting For Pedro

Easy post today.

Ministers Say They Blessed Seats Ahead of Alito Hearing

Good job:
WASHINGTON -- Insisting that "certainly needs to be involved"in the Supreme Court confirmation process, three Christian ministers today blessed the doors of the hearing room where Senate Judiciary Committee members will begin considering the nomination of Judge Samuel on Monday.
"I DON'T NEED TO BE INVOLVED."

They're "insisting" that you "certainly" need to be.

"AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT I DON'T. LOOK, I REALLY DON'T CARE. THE ONLY THING I'M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS...GO STEELERS."

Okay then.
Capitol Hill police barred them from entering the room to continue what they called a consecration service. But in a bit of one-upsmanship, the three announced that they had let themselves in a day earlier, touching holy oil to the seats where Judge Alito, the senators, witnesses, Senate staffers and the press will sit, and praying for each of the 13 committee members by name.
"DOES IT SAY WHAT KIND OF, UH, HOLY OIL THEY USED?"

No.

"I'M GONNA BE REALLY PISSED IF THEY USED THE WRONG KIND. LIKE...CHEAP BABY OIL FROM THE 99 CENT STORE."

What?

"I'M KIDDING. JESUS. CALM DOWN."
"We did adequately apply oil to all the seats," said the Rev. Rob Schenck, who identified himself as an evangelical Christian and as president of the National Clergy Council in Washington.

Rev. Schenck called the consecration service the kick-off in a series of prayer meetings that will continue throughout the confirmation hearing.
"KICK-OFF FOR TODAY'S GAME IS AT 4:30 EST."

I know.

"WEEEEEEEE...GOT A FEELIN'...THE STILLERS ARE GOAN TO TH' SUPERBOWL!"

Goan?

"AS IN, 'WHERE YINS GOAN? YINS GOAN DAHNTAHN?' MY PITTSBURGH ACCENT."

Got it.
Capitol Hill police said they weren't aware that the three had entered the hearing room earlier, but added that hearing rooms typically aren't locked because "they're not of interest to anyone."

Lt. Dominick Costa said the Judiciary Committee room will be swept for bombs and perhaps for electronic bugging equipment before the hearing begins.
"THEY SHOULD CHECK THE ROOM FOR GOLD, FRANKINCENSE AND MYRH."

?

"THAT WAS ANOTHER STAB AT COMEDY. SORRY."

No, no, no. That's cool. I'm feelin' ya.

"THERE'S A JOKE IN THERE SOMEWHERE."

You'll figure it out.
The three ministers insisted they weren't taking sides in the Alito debate.
"HA!"
"This is not a pro-Alito prayer," insisted the Rev. Patrick Mahoney, director of the Christian Defense Coalition.
"NOW THAT IS COMEDY."

I agree.
With abortion, public prayer, gay marriage and right-to-life issues among those topping public debate, however, "God…is interested in what goes on" in the nomination hearing, Rev. Schenck said.
"FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, I'M NOT INTERESTED!"

Look, just for the sake of this particular argument, who are you voting for?

"I'M VOTING FOR PEDRO SANCHEZ. WHO DO YOU THINK?!"

Okay --

"PEDRO OFFERS YOU HIS PROTECTION!"

What did you do last summer again?

"I TOLD YOU, I SPENT IT WITH MY UNCLE IN ALASKA HUNTING WOLVERINES."

Did you shoot any?

"YES, LIKE 50 OF 'EM! THEY KEPT TRYING TO ATTACK MY COUSINS. WHAT THE HECK WOULD YOU DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT?!"

More later...

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