BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Friday, January 13, 2006

Jesusland Wrap-up

Good morning.

Hollywood is sunny - winds are calm - current temperature is 50F - highs expected in the mid-60's.

The Rapture Index is holding steady at 154.

On that note:
Robertson apologizes for saying PM's stroke was punishment

This is the last bit of info I'm gonna post re: this dead horse.

"THAT A THREAT?"

No.
Israel appears unlikely to allow Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson back into a multi-million-dollar Sea of Galilee tourism project, an official said, despite Robertson's apology for implying that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was struck down by God for giving up the Gaza Strip.

Robertson sent a letter of apology to one of Sharon's sons, but Tourism Ministry official Ram Levi said Thursday Israel is still "outraged" and would not rescind its ban on Robertson's participation in the project.

*

In a letter dated Wednesday and marked for hand delivery to Omri Sharon, Robertson called Ariel Sharon a "kind, gracious and gentle man" who was "carrying an almost insurmountable burden of making decisions for his nation."
"HA."
"My concern for the future safety of your nation led me to make remarks which I can now view in retrospect as inappropriate and insensitive in light of a national grief experienced because of your father's illness," said the letter.

"I ask your forgiveness and the forgiveness of the people of Israel," he wrote.
"AND BEG YOU TO LET ME BUILD JESUSLAND."

The subtext is clear.
Despite Robertson's apology, it was doubtful whether he would be brought back into the fold of the proposed Christian Heritage Center in the northern Galilee region, where tradition says Jesus lived and taught.
"WAH, WAH, WAHHHHH."
Christian groups, particularly evangelical congregations from the United States, have become an important source of revenue and political influence.

Evangelicals funnel millions of dollars each year to Jewish settlers in the West Bank and provide aid for those evicted from Gaza.

They also represent an essential component of the estimated US$4 billion in tourist revenue expected this year.

Levi said groundbreaking on the center could come early this year and the first buildings could be finished within two years.

The complex will include an amphitheater and broadcast facilities near key Christian sites, including Capernaum, the Mount of the Beatitudes, where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and Tabgha on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, where Christians believe Jesus performed the miracle of the loaves and fish.
"OH BOY."

This is gonna be a mess.

"PEOPLE FAINTING EVERYWHERE. WAILING. FREAKING OUT. SPEAKING IN TONGUES."

Yeah.

"DOES IT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A PETTING ZOO FILLED WITH RED CALVES?"
Hirchson had predicted it would draw up to 1 million pilgrims a year, generate $1.5 billion in spending and support about 40,000 jobs.
"THUS THE APOLOGY FROM PAT ROBERTSON."

Copy that.

"$1.5 BILLION SMACKEROOS: THAT'S A LOT OF FISH."

And how, Lord. And how.
Robertson was leading a group of evangelicals who have pledged to raise the $50 million needed to build the site.

But Levi said there was "more than enough outreach" to other Christian groups to meet the funding.
"CALLING DR. DOBSON, CALLING DR. DOBSON. CALLING DR. JAMES DOBSON!"

Colorado Springsland?

By the way, the "Rapture Index" claims that "Israel has said it has no plans to bomb Iran's nuclear Facilities."

Apparently, this hurts the Rapture Index.

"MAKE IT A RIDE, THEN. THE F-16 RIDE. PUT IT NEXT TO THE 'ROLLER COASTER OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN.'"

The Roller Coaster of the Four Horsemen?

"THE HORSEMEN CONCEPT DOESN'T WORK WITH A LOG JAM. THAT'S NOAH'S ARK."

Got it.

(Insert bad comedy - and ideas for more rides - here.)

* * *

Quick note: According to the Huffington Post, the Bushies wanna "Swift Boat" John Murtha.
The Huffington Post has learned the Bush administration recently asked high ranking military leaders to denounce Congressman John Murtha. Congressman Murtha has called for the Bush Administration to withdraw US troops from Iraq.

The Bush Administration first attacked Rep. Murtha for his Iraq views by associating him with the filmmaker Michael Moore and Representative Jean Schmidt likened him to a coward on the floor of the House of Representatives.
Big babies.

* * *

"HOW ABOUT A MIDWAY GAME WHERE YOU...INSTED OF THROWING DARTS AT WATER BALLOONS...YOU THROW ROCKS AT PROSTITUTES?"

You're still trying to find your voice as a stand-up, aren't you, Lord?

"PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION."

No worries.

More later...

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