BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dios mio, man!

QUINTANA -I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me? We're gonna fuck you up.

DUDE - Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man.

*

Okay. Stick with me today. There's a new twist to an old story. (Regular readers - all 2 of you - of this blog will recognize the first part of the story.)

Let's start the bits from my old post:

This was headline - from the LA Times - back on July 8:

"Kidnappers in Iraq Kill Egyptian Envoy"

* Ihab Sherif is the highest-ranking hostage slain since the war began. The Al Qaeda wing in the country claims responsibility *

The info:
BAGHDAD — Al Qaeda's Iraq wing said Thursday that it had carried out "the verdict of God" and executed Egypt's top envoy to Baghdad, who was kidnapped from a street in the capital five days earlier.

The Egyptian government confirmed the death of the diplomat, Ihab Sherif, saying he had "lost his life at the hands of terrorism which trades in Islam."

*

An Iraqi official who asked not to be identified told the Los Angeles Times earlier that Sherif may have been lured to the scene of his abduction with the promise of meeting with representatives of Iraqi insurgents.

Before word of the execution became public, Interior Minister BAYAN JABR expressed dismay that some diplomats had attempted to negotiate with armed opposition groups privately, but he did not name the Egyptian.

"Some of them go to places on their own in order to meet some insurgents," the minister said. "We warned about doing such things before, as the results could be very serious."
So that's the story right?

Nope.

Buried within this piece? Bad B-Movie stuff:
JABR announced that within the last 10 days, Iraqi authorities had rolled up a SECRET CELL OF TURNCOAT OFFICERS WITH TIES to Zarqawi's AL-QAEDA branch WITHIN the upper echelons of an ELITE COMMANDO FORCE.
One more time:
Jabr announced that within the last 10 days, Iraqi authorities had rolled up a secret cell of turncoat officers with ties to Zarqawi's Al Qaeda branch within the upper echelons of an elite commando force.
"Dios mio, man!"
"The intent of this group was to conduct assassinations inside the brigade and an operation to totally blow up the Ministry of Interior headquarters," he said.
"Dios mio, man!"
Eight suspected officers, including three with the rank of BRIGADIER GENERAL, were among ex-Iraqi army officers recruited last year from Baghdad and northern Babil province, an area called the "triangle of death" because it is a hotbed of the Sunni Arab-led INSURGENCY.
"Look, I've got certain information, certain things have come to light, and uh, has it ever occurred to you, man, that given the nature of all this new shit, that, uh, instead of running around blaming me, that this whole thing might just be, not, you know, not just such a simple, but uh--you know?"
Jabr also announced the arrest of a suspect allegedly in possession of a computer hard drive containing names, addresses and other personal details of 7,000 public officials ranking as high as Prime Minister Ibrahim Jafari, underscoring the extent of infiltration by insurgents within the fledgling government.
"Well, okay, you're not privy to all the new shit, so uh, you know, but that's what you pay me for. Speaking of which, would it be possible for me to get my twenty grand in cash?"
The man arrested came under police suspicion after he checked into a Baghdad hotel and began spending "ENORMOUS AMOUNTS OF CASH," Jabr said.
That's the old story.

CUT TO the "NEW SHIT."

From CNN.

U.S. study: Insurgents infiltrate Iraq police

Yep.
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- INSURGENTS and other CRIMINALS have INFILTRATED Iraqi police ranks due to poor screening procedures by U.S. forces, according to a joint report released Monday by the U.S. Defense Department and State Department.
"We released what?!"

"A joint report, sir."

"Dios mio, man!"
"Recruitment and vetting procedures are faulty," said the report from the inspectors general of both departments.

"Despite recent improvements, too many recruits are marginally literate; some show up for training with criminal records or physical handicaps."
CUT TO:

EXT - IRAQI RECRUITING CENTER - DAY

For obvious comedy.

"Uh, you don't have any legs, man."

"'Tis but a scratch!"

"Okay then."
The 100-page report went on to say there was "sufficient evidence to conclude" that insurgents were "among the ranks of the Iraq police service."

Insurgents have carried out numerous bombings at Iraqi police and army recruiting centers -- many of the attacks occurring as potential recruits waited in long lines outside.

More than 1,600 police have been killed in attacks in the past year, the report said.
It never ends.

I mean - when can we - why doesn't - you know - is anybody - what the - I mean - Jesus Christ - what the - isn't this - this is all - this is all fucked!

Grr.

Whatever.

More later...

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