BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Flush It!

Remember our buddy in North Carolina...the pastor who tried to, uh, remove "Democrats" from his flock?

We've got another one:

Church sign sparks debate

DEBATE is a loose term:
FOREST CITY, NORTH CAROLINA -- A sign in front of a Baptist church on one of the most traveled highways in the county stirred controversy over religious tolerance and first-amendment rights this weekend.

A sign in front of Danieltown Baptist Church, located at 2361 U.S. 221 south, reads "THE KORAN NEEDS TO BE FLUSHED," and the REV. CREIGHTON LOVELACE, pastor of the church, is not apologizing for the display.

"I believe that it is a statement supporting the word of God and that it (the Bible) is above all and that any other religious book that does not teach Christ as savior and lord as the 66 books of the Bible teaches it, IS WRONG," said Lovelace.
Gonna need some help from the Reverend LoveJOY on this one.

("Marge), just about everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."

Yep.
"I knew that whenever we decided to put that sign up that there would be people who wouldn't agree with it, and there would be some that would, and so we just have to stand up for what's right."
"Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."
Seema Riley, a Muslim, who was born in Pakistan and reared in New York, was one of those upset by the sign.

She moved to Rutherford County for the "small town friendly" atmosphere, she said.
Ha!
When she saw the sign on the side of the highway Saturday she felt angered and threatened.

"We need a certain degree of tolerance," said Riley. "That sign doesn't really reflect what I think this county is about."
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.

Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid. Be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous.

Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.

Rev. Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
The appearance of the sign follows a national news story from last week. Newsweek magazine retracted a story reporting that military guards at the U.S. prison at Guantanamo Bay flushed a copy of the Koran down the toilet during interrogation of a detainee. The Newsweek story sent Washington in a frenzy and was blamed for igniting Muslim riots and deaths abroad, including a particularly violent outburst in Afghanistan.
"Once something has been approved by the Government, it's no longer immoral."
"Our creed as a Christian, or a Protestant, or a Baptist church -- of course we don't have a creed but the Bible -- but we do have the Baptist faith and message that says that we should cling to the 66 books of the Holy Bible and any other book outside of that claiming to know the way of God or claiming to be God's word is automatically written off and is trying to defeat people from the way of true righteousness inside of our viewpoint in how we view the word of God," Lovelace said.
"See you in Hell...from Heaven!"
When Lovelace was asked whether he considered before he put the sign up that there may be some consequences or that some people may be angered, he said he was aware of the likelihood of angering some people.

"Well, I thought about it and I said there may be people who are offended by it but the way I look at it, Jesus told his followers that if the world hates you, don't feel bad because they hated me first," said Lovelace. "If we stand for what is right and for God's word and for Christianity then the world is going to condemn us and so right away when I got a complaint I said 'well somebody's mad, somebody's offended, so we must be doing something right.'"
Somebody's mad...so we must be doing something right.

Brilliant.

"Judgement Day is upon us. I warned you; the Lord wouldn't stand for your minidresses and Beatle boots. But it's not too late to repent your sins and be embraced by the Almighty."
Director of the Rutherford County Chamber of Commerce Bill Hall said he does not think that the Danieltown sign will have a negative impact on the county's tourism or economic vitality.

"It is unfortunate that things like that happen and it certainly doesn't represent Rutherford County," said Hall. "I think that most people will understand that that is not a common attitude in this community."
Rrriiiggghhhttt.

"Go on, Homer. Our commandments clearly state that beer is alright. Try some."
Lovelace said he felt IT WAS THE WORK OF GOD TO DISPLAY THE SIGN and that no one in the church has spoken up against it to him. He said the church has 55 members on the roster and he has only received one angry phone call since the sign was posted. "We have a good group of people," said Lovelace.

Lovelace said the sign changes every week. "About Friday or Saturday we will have a new sign," he said. "It should state to some effect 'Where are your treasures? Are they at the flea market or are they in heaven?'"

Lovelace said that he does not have anything against the flea market that recently opened up down the street from the church.
He doesn't have anything against the flea market.

Well, that's a start. I guess.

Some other sign recommendations:

1. What Would Jesus Flush?
2. God Hates...Everyone But Us!
3. Give in to the Dark Side of the Force, eh.
4. What If We're Right?
5. Seriously; I've Got Nothing Against the Flea Market.

And some final thoughts from the Reverend Lovejoy.

"I urge every halfway decent member of our community to gather up all merchandise that bears the likeness of Krusty, that clown prince of corruption, and join me in a public burning."

*

"Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight, but please, just a few words of caution. Now we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly. So please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes..."

*

Quick article on the UK's George Galloway today:

Galloway renews attack on Senate over 'forged' evidence

Excerpt:
George Galloway plans to go on the attack once more over a US Senate Committee's accusation that he took oil money from Saddam Hussein.

The MP for Bethnal Green and Bow is now demanding to see the original Iraqi government documents on which the Committee based its allegations, after claiming he was handed nothing but a sheaf of US transcripts. He hopes to demolish the case against him by proving that the originals are forgeries.

"It is something that has not sufficiently come out that what the committee put up as exhibits were in fact all typed up in English, though masquerading as original Iraqi documents," said Ron McKay, Mr Galloway's spokesman.

"They gave us the documentation on the spot as we went into the committee hearing, we hadn't seen it before. On an A4 sheet there is this fairly clear, English-typed document, and behind it, almost obscured, there is this grey smudge which appears to be what they called the original document. But it is completely illegible and totally obscure.

"They didn't make it clear in the hearing that these weren't in fact the real documents. So we are demanding to see the originals, and to have them forensically examined."
Come now. You're not saying that the Bushies used "fake documents" to make their case, are you?

"And may we burn in painful and foul smelling fire forever and ever."

Amen.

More later...

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