BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Evolution

Good news for the neo-conservatives at PBS.

YOU GUYS CAN GET RID OF NOVA!

According to this article (New Tactic In Evolution Debate), "a Gallup poll late last year showed that only 28 percent of Americans accept the theory of evolution, while 48 PERCENT adhere to CREATIONISM - the belief that an intelligent being is responsible for the creation of the earth and its inhabitants."

The nuns taught us that you can have BOTH.
"That first 'week' didn't take seven days, like our days, you knuckleheads! It took, like, 4 billion years!"

"But, Sister, the Bible says --"

"No buts!"

Thwack.

"Ow!"
The nuns may have been wrong. From the article:
Critics of Charles Darwin's theory of natural selection are equipping families with books, DVDs, and a list of "10 questions to ask your biology teacher."
Ugh. That is so annoying.
The intent is to plant seeds of doubt in the minds of students as to the veracity of Darwin's theory of evolution.
Ready for some of those questions? Don't worry, THIS IS NOT A TEST.
1. The origins of life. Why do textbooks claim that the 1953 Miller-Urey experiment shows how life's building blocks may have formed on Earth - when conditions on the early Earth were probably nothing like those used in the experiment, and the origin of life remains a mystery?
Hmmm.

What 'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?
2. Darwin's tree of life. Why don't textbooks discuss the "Cambrian explosion," in which all major animal groups appear together in the fossil record fully formed instead of branching from a common ancestor - thus contradicting the evolutionary tree of life?
Huh? The "what" explosion? You've got me there, man.

I don't know.

Oh no.

Everything I know is wrong!
3. Peppered moths. Why do textbooks use pictures of peppered moths camouflaged on tree trunks as evidence for natural selection - when biologists have known since the 1980s that the moths don't normally rest on tree trunks, and all the pictures have been staged?
Whoa! You've solved the mystery of the Peppered Moth!

Everything I believe is a lie!

Noooooo!
4. Human origins. Why are artists' drawings of apelike humans used to justify materialistic claims that we are just animals and our existence is a mere accident - when fossil experts cannot even agree on who our supposed ancestors were or what they looked like?
I can't believe it! I'm changing my opinion!

Time to buy a Jesus-fish for the Volvo!
5. Evolution as a fact. Why are students told that Darwin's theory of evolution is a scientific fact - even though many of its claims are based on misrepresentations of the facts?
Wait.

Hold on.

Slow down, Ace.

Be careful about questioning "facts" that are supported by "claims based on misrepresentations of facts," friend.

KnowwhatImsaying?

Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Saddam had WMD's. He and Bin Laden were pals. Mary Magdalen was a "whore."

Eh, eh, eh?

You had me up to that point.

Whew. I'm back.

That was close.

Man.

The Earth is 6,000 years old.

Ha!

Come on. Everyone knows that we were MADE by "The Greys."

Didn't you see "Mission to Mars?"

"Tell 'em that the Dolphins tried to come out of the sea, over 12,000 years ago, but went back in because they thought we were out of our fucking minds."

I will.

More later...

(Hey, e-mail KTLK and tell THEM to bring back Marc Maron's "Morning Sedition." Try - feedback@progressivetalk1150.com)

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