BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

They're Around Here Somewhere

Quickly:

CIA’s final report: No WMD found in Iraq

"Recommends freeing detainees held for weapons knowledge"

Doo bee doo bee doo.
WASHINGTON - In his final word, the CIA’s top weapons inspector in Iraq said Monday that the hunt for weapons of mass destruction has “gone as far as feasible” and has found NOTHING, closing an investigation into the purported programs of Saddam Hussein that were used to justify the 2003 invasion.
"No, no, no. Everyone knows the WMD's are in Syria."
The Iraq Survey Group believes “it was unlikely that an official transfer of WMD material from Iraq to Syria took place."
D'oh!

Here's my favorite bit from the AP report:
The addenda conclude that Saddam’s programs created a POOL OF EXPERTS now available to develop and produce weapons and many will be seeking work. While most will probably turn to the “benign civil sector,” the danger remains that “hostile foreign governments, terrorists or insurgents may seek Iraqi expertise.”
Cogito ergo sum - Saddam did not have "weapons of mass destruction," but he did create a bunch of Dr. Evils.

Really sad.

"The biggest threat to our freedom, if you ask me. That pool of experts."

CUT TO:

INT. NORTH KOREAN IMPERIAL PALACE - NIGHT

The ballroom of KIM JONG IL'S Imperial Palace is loaded with North Korean MILITARY LEADERS, MAD IRAQI SCIENTISTS, and HIGH END PROSTITUTES. Nelly's "Hot in Here" is blaring in the background...

Ah, forget it. I'm bored with this crap.

Remeber this?

Dandy Don Rumsfeld, March, 2003: From his kick ass appearance on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos"
MR. STEPHANOPOULOS: Finally, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. Key goal of the military campaign is finding those weapons of mass destruction. None have been found yet. There was a raid on the Ansar Al-Islam Camp up in the north last night. A lot of people expected to find ricin there. None was found. How big of a problem is that? And is it curious to you that given how much control U.S. and coalition forces now have in the country, they haven’t found any weapons of mass destruction?

SEC. RUMSFELD: Not at all. If you think—let me take that, both pieces—the area in the south and the west and the north that coalition forces control is substantial. It happens not to be the area where weapons of mass destruction were dispersed. We know where they are. THEY'RE IN THE AREA AROUND TIKRIT AND BAGHDAD and east, west, south and north somewhat.
"There was one?"

They're in Cuba, BTW. No, Venezuela. No, Iran. No, Atlantis...

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