BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

You Can't Handle the Truth, II

Happy Tuesday.

Just for the sake of this silly blog...let's assume that there were some "shenanigans" in the story of Giuliana Sgrena, the Italian journalist kidnapped by Iraqi insurgents and shot by American soldiers.

"Absurd!"

That what the White House said. But let's have some fun. in a bad B-movie kind of way.

From Today's NY Times:

"Italian Journalist Shot in Iraq Rejects US Account"

"You mean, 'communist journalist --"

Shut up.

Why did Sgrena reject the US account (that her car was fired upon b/c they were appraoching a check-point too quickly)?
ROME, March 6 - The Italian reporter wounded when American troops opened fire on the car carrying her and Italian secret service officers to the Baghdad airport just hours after her release from kidnappers rejected today the United States' version of the incident and refused to rule out that she was intentionally targeted.

"The fact that the Americans don't want negotiations to free the hostages is known," Ms. Sgrena said in a telephone interview with Sky TG24 television. "The fact that they do everything to prevent the adoption of this practice to save the lives of people held hostages, everybody knows that. So I don't see why I should rule out that I could have been the target."
Great, that's her story (for today).

Let's go back to her abduction.

Key excpert from the same article:
Ms. Sgrena was abducted on Feb. 4 in Baghdad AFTER conducting several hours of INTERVIEWS with REFUGEES from the decimated city of FALLUJAH.

Gunmen pulled up in front of her car as she was leaving and dragged her into their vehicle. Her Iraqi employees managed to escape.
Hmm.

"Wait. Her 'Iraqi employees' managed to escape? What the --?!"

Keep going.
Two weeks later, Ms. Sgrena's captors released a video showing her tearfully pleading for her life and asking for the withdrawal of all the American-led forces. The words "MUJAHADEEN WITHOUT BORDERS," presumably the name of the group holding her, appeared in digital red Arabic script on a backdrop.
Okay.

(Pause.)

People, people, you've got to be kidding me.

Mujahadeen Without Borders?

MUJAHADEEN WITHOUT BORDERS?!

"What? It's a play on 'Doctors Without Borders."

Yeah, I know that! But...you people couldn't come up with a better name for the "terrorist group" that kidnapped Sgrena?!

"What are you saying?"

That's really lazy! The "insurgents" have never heard of "Doctors Without Borders."

"Sure they have."

No, they haven't.

"Aw. Give us a break, man. We're running out of names. Hezbollah, Al Qaeda, Islamic Jihad --"

But, 'MUJAHADEEN WITHOUT BORDERS?!" Come on! You've got to be more creative than that! You've got to be more creative than that, or people will start asking QUESTIONS!

(Like - isn't it weird that she was "kidnapped" right after she interviewed refugees from Fallujah? A city we turned into a parking lot?)

"Hey, man, we're trying. But, look; the best writers are in LA and New York. Working on "The Simpsons" and "The Daily Show." "The Sopranos." They ain't working for us at this point."

I know that! But you'd better get some, because the sloppy writing is gonna bring down this whole damn thing!

"You want a job? Good benefits."

Yes. Yes I do. Sign me up.

(I used to fantasize about writing story-lines for the WWF. You know, Hulk Hogan steals Miss Elizabeth from the Macho Man, the Macho Man assaults Hulk Hogan in the dressing room, Hulk hogan gets Kevin Nash to retaliate, Kevin Nash steals Miss Elizabeth, yada yada. This would be kinda the same thing.)

MUJAHADEEN WITHOUT BORDERS?!

More later...

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