BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Wingnutery

Good times in Nevada here.

From the Elko Daily Free Press - "Gibbons rallies GOP"

Uh oh.
ELKO - Patriotic spirits SOARED as Elko's Grand Old Party had a grand old party Friday night at its annual Lincoln Day Dinner. The fervor was whipped up by a fiery speech by Rep. Jim Gibbons, R-Nev., during which he passionately proclaimed his heartfelt support for troops waging the war on terrorism in Iraq and Afghanistan and voiced blistering contempt for certain celebrities for giving aid and comfort to the enemy.

The Republican faithful listened intently while Gibbons spoke about the war in Iraq.

Loud applause erupted when Gibbons said, "Tonight, I say we should support our President and the United States military in their efforts to defend freedom around the world."

Gibbons said the dinner was also a celebration of President Abraham Lincoln and that his philosophy had stood the test of history and applied in today's troubled times.

Gibbons segued into an attack on "liberals," who he said were trying to divide the unity of the country in a time of war.
He wondered what Lincoln's feelings would be at this juncture of American history.

"How would he feel, what would he be thinking about, all of the dissension, all of the division, that the liberals and a few others, including some our movie stars and song makers, are trying to divide this country over its efforts to establish freedom and liberty in countries around the world?" Gibbons questioned.
He'd be too confused by the time travel to worry about, uh, "movie stars and song makers."
Gibbons answered with his own thoughts on the issue.
Here we go.
"We are all here tonight because men and women of the United States military have given their lives for our freedom," Gibbons continued.
Not quite. You're "here tonight" because rich white dudes were sick of sharing their stuff with the king, and because they needed cheap labor - ie - your ancestors.
"We are here tonight not because of Rosie O'Donnell, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Jane Fonda or Phil Donahue - they never sacrificed their lives for us or for liberty."
That point again. My god.
Gibbons said it was not movie stars but soldiers and sailors that defended freedom in the deserts of Iraq, the jungles of Vietnam, the sands of Iwo Jima and the beaches of Normandy.
Brilliant.
"I say we tell those liberal, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals to go make their movies and their music and whine somewhere else," Gibbons said to another burst of applause.
Hey, genius. There are no "tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals" anymore: Jerry died ten years ago.

"What about that dude outside the Amoeba in Berkeley?"

You know what I'm saying.
He said that they are the same people who wanted to go to Iraq and become human shields for the enemy.

"I say it's just too damn bad we didn't buy them a ticket," Gibbons said.
CUT TO:

INT. AIRPORT - DAY

Congressman JIM GIBBONS (R-Hell) is handing out plane tickets to a large group of tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed LIBERALS. The liberals gladly accept the tickets (and the bagged lunch) and board the 747.

GIBBONS - (happily) Good luck, tree-huggers. I hope you die.

Gibbons turns to his FOXY YOUNG SECRETARY.

GIBBONS - Man, this is great. We're finally getting rid of all the liberals!

FOXY YOUNG SECRETARY - You're a great, uh, persuaderer, sir.

Martin Sheen appears through the crowd and approaches the Congressman.

SHEEN - Congressman Gibbons? Marty Sheen. Thank you, sir. For all your hard work. Your speech about Lincoln and Iraq and Rosie O'Donnell really...opened my eyes.

GIBBONS - Glad to hear it, Marty.

SHEEN - I mean, i've been wasting my life! I can't wait to get killed by a...an insurgent...or a humvee or something.

GIBBONS - You'll have plenty of opportunites, Marty.

SHEEN - Keep up the good work!

Sheen takes a ticket and boards the plane.

GIBBONS - You know it. Hey, Marty?

Sheen stops and turns towards Gibbons.

GIBBONS - Jesus loves you!

Pause.

SHEEN - He loves you, too, Congressman. He loves you, too.

*

Elko is just off I-80, up in the Utah-Idaho part of Nevada, btw.

Patriotic spirits...or total lunacy?

More later...

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