BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Hunter S. Thompson


Two Iraqi men, TAL and MANSOOR, scour through the rubble of this blown-out soap factory on the outskirts of Baghdad. They are members of Hussein's elite "Imperial Guard," but are dressed down as "insurgents." Tal wears a Fila sweat-suit, and Mansoor wears a pair of beat-up Dickies and a Laker t-shirt. Both men are carrying (US issued) AK-47's and smoking cigarettes.

MANSOOR - My money is on the patriots.

TAL - You are crazy. They will stay at home on Sunday. The people are living in fear.

MANSOOR - I mean to beat the Eagles. 24-13. Terrell Owens will not make a difference.

TAL - Hmph. Only a fool would bet on pro-wrestling.

A thundering "boom" is heard in the distance. The two men pause...and continue scouring through the rubble.

MANSOOR - My wife will kill me if I don't find this.

TAL - Don't worry. We will find the damn ring.

A stray dog races out of the rubble.

MANSOOR - Have you been on the internet lately?

TAL - "," but that's about it.

MANSOOR - I like the one who is named Vikki. With two k's.

TAL - She is a fox. I am sure she would break my heart, though. She probably only dates rock stars. Like a guy from Velvet Revolver or something.

MANSOOR - Wait. I remember what I wanted to show you. I got a funny e-mail from a friend the other other day. (laughing) Here.

Mansoor pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from his back pocket.

MANSOOR - It says:
We have become a Nazi monster in the eyes of the whole world, a nation of bullies and bastards who would rather kill than live peacefully. We are not just whores for power and oil, but killer whores with hate and fear in our hearts. We are human scum, and that is how history will judge us. No redeeming social value. Just whores. Get out of our way, or we'll kill you.

Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Who among us can be happy and proud of having all this innocent blood on our hands? Who are these swine? These flag-sucking half-wits who get fleeced and fooled by stupid little rich kids like George Bush? They are the same ones who wanted to have Muhammad Ali locked up for refusing to kill gooks. They speak for all that is cruel and stupid and vicious in the American character. They are the racists and hate mongers among us; they are the Ku Klux Klan. I piss down the throats of these Nazis. And I am too old to worry about whether they like it
or not. Fuck them.
TAL - Ouch. Whoa. Hey now. Who said that?

MANSOOR - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.

TAL - The "Fear and Loathing" guy?


TAL - Damn. The Americans are beginning to...question the Bushies.


MANSOOR - Not good.

TAL - No. Not good at all. Not good at all.


MANSOOR - Dr. Hunter better watch his back.

TAL - He does not care. He'll be too drunk to feel the bullet.

More loud rumbling. Tal and Mansoor extinguish thier cigarettes and turn their attention toward the highway on the other side of the soap factory.

MANSOOR - Again with the Humvees. Jesus f'ing Christ, when will these people learn?!

TAL - Grab the rocket launcher. Ten bucks says I hit the thing on the first try.

MANSOOR - You're on.

Mansoor hands Tal a rocket launcher. The men prep the weapon and we...


More later...


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