BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Howard Stern is back on top in L.A. and New York with the all important dude-demos.

But that's not thes best news re: Stern, the FCC and Clear Channel.

There's a quick snippet on Yahoo this morning, detailing Stern and his climb back to the top, and it's not good for Clear Channel.

From the article...

"In San Diego, one of the markets where (Stern's) show was removed by Clear Channel, radio station KIOZ-FM's drive-time ratings dropped from an 8.9 share in February to 0.7 in March, the first month without Stern. Stern's show remains syndicated on a total of 36 stations nationwide."

(An 8.9 to a .7! Ha! Take that...you bastards.)

If you've been listening to Howard, you know that he's been WARRING against the right...and telling his legions to vote Kerry. A legion of CONSERVATIVE Joe Sixpacks who'll do anything for Howard...

Anything.

Could make a difference.

Ho ho!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Here's how it works, folks. Read carefully. From today's Boston Globe:

"Cheney aide now lobbyist on energy"

(Good for him.)

By Susan Milligan and Maud S. Beelman, and Globe Staff

WASHINGTON -- The executive director of Vice President Dick Cheney's energy task force, whose closed-door meetings with industry executives enraged environmentalists and prompted a Supreme Court showdown this week, became an energy lobbyist just months after leaving the White House, records show.

(You're kidding me!)

Andrew Lundquist, a native Alaskan who worked on Capitol Hill for both his state's senators, shepherded the development of the administration's energy policy as executive director of the National Energy Policy Development Group, a Cabinet-level task force chosen by President Bush and headed by Cheney.

(Operative word in that last paragraph: Alaskan. Read on.)

When the task force completed its work, Lundquist stayed on at the White House as Cheney's energy policy director, leading the vice president's effort to turn the task force's work into law.

Then, a day after leaving government service, he opened a consulting business. Nine months later, Lundquist was a registered lobbyist for companies that stood to benefit from the energy policy he helped craft, according to 2003 lobby disclosure records reviewed by the Globe.

(Didn't waste any time, did he? And now he's making some big $. Big $...from some of the following "environmental companies." )

Japan's Toshiba Corp., which is seeking to build a small, new-generation nuclear reactor in ALASKA and would benefit from the administration's proposed extension of laws reducing corporate liability for injuries or death caused by nuclear accidents.

British Petroleum, which stands to benefit from a $16.3 billion ALASKAN natural gas pipeline that was promised government loan guarantees worth $2 billion in the pending energy legislation.

Kennecott Energy Co., a coal-mining concern in WYOMING (ie, Cheneyland) that would benefit from a plan to loosen proposed mercury pollution rules for coal-fired power plants.

(Alright. Do we need to break this down? Decades ago, men like our beloved VP "got into politics" because it was a great way to figure out where "the newfangled superhighways were gonna get built." Then, all you had to do was buy land along those proposed routes, and BLAMMO! you made tons of cash developing Taco Bell/KFC/BK/Chevron-cities with a quasi-biblical names. But that's nothing compared to what these dudes are doin' today. Nothing. These guys are developing entire states. And countries! The slick thing is...the man has been doing this since he dropped out of Yale in the early sixties. Jumping back and forth between the public and private sector, dismantling industrial regulation and privatizing utilities and the miltary and everything else that needs privatizing. And PROFITING big time. Why else would he bother to return to public service after a couple of heart attacks? Setting it up...for the immediate future. And many smart people, such as Andrew Lundquist, are following his lead.)

Ugh. Me head hurts.

More later.


Saturday, April 24, 2004

Too much information lately. Brain hurts. Sick of worrying about the Bushies.

But here's a good one. Not from the Onion.

"Louisiana May Ban Low-Slung Pants"

(Thank the sweet baby Jesus.)

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) - People who wear low-slung pants that expose skin or "intimate clothing" would face a fine of up to $500 and possible jail time under a bill filed by a Jefferson Parish lawmaker.

State Rep. Derrick Shepherd said he filed the bill because he was tired of catching glimpses of boxer shorts and G-strings over the lowered belt lines of young adults.

(Any guesses on Rep. Shepherd's political affiliation.)

The bill would punish anyone caught wearing low-riding pants with a fine of as much as $500 or as many as six months in jail, or both.

"I'm sick of seeing it," said Shepherd, a first-term legislator. "The community's outraged. And if parents can't do their job, if parents can't regulate what their children wear, then there should be a law."

(Those Republicans just LOVE smaller government, don't they?)

The bill would be tacked onto the state's obscenity law, which restricts sexual activity in public places and the sale of sexually explicit items.

Joe Cook, head of the American Civil Liberties Union's Louisiana chapter, said the bill probably does not meet the U.S. Supreme Court's standard for the prohibition of obscene behavior under the First Amendment.

(And then...he laughed, and laughed, and laughed.)

"What about a woman who is wearing a bathing suit under her garment or she has something like a sarong wrapped around her and it's below her waist," he said. "I can think of a lot of workers, plumbers, who are working and expose their buttocks ..."

(Like I said...my brain hurts.)

Monday, April 19, 2004

Two great items from Woodward's new book on the prez and Bob's appearance on the 4/18/2004 "60 Minutes."

1. GAS PRICES ARE GONNA COME DOWN BEFORE THE ELECTION! YEAH!!!

Here's the info...

April 19 (Bloomberg) -- Saudi Arabia's ambassador to the U.S. has promised President George W. Bush the Saudis will reduce oil prices before this November's election to help the U.S. economy, according to Bob Woodward, author of a new book about the Iraq war.

(Wait. To help the US economy or to help Bush?)

Oil prices are "high, and they could go down very quickly,'' Woodward said last night in an interview on CBS's "60 Minutes.''

"That's the Saudi pledge,'' said Woodward. "Certainly over the summer or as we get closer to the election they could increase production several million barrels a day and the price would drop significantly.''

(Hey...waitaminute. Why can't the Saudis "do that now?" Oh...right.)

The Saudis trimmed their output by 1 million barrels a day in the first quarter, according to Bloomberg data.

Crude oil has risen 15 percent to more than $37 a barrel this year. The rise in crude has helped send gasoline prices to a record average of $1.79 a gallon in the U.S., according to the AAA, formerly the American Automobile Association.

($2.23 for the low grade regular junk here in SoCal. Boy, I can't wait 'til November. It'll be awesome! In the meantime...Top Ramen for this guy.)

2. BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HOW "HISTORY" WILL REGARD HIM...BECAUSE HE'LL BE DEAD BY THEN!

(Huh?)

From the April 26 issue of NEWSWEEK -

In his interview with Woodward, conducted over two days in December of last year, Bush displayed no second thoughts about Iraq's postwar miseries or the failure to turn up any WMD. "I haven't suffered doubt," he told Woodward. When the author—quoting Bush's political adviser Karl Rove—suggested that "all history gets measured by outcomes," Bush "smiled," reports Woodward. "History," he said, shrugging, taking his hands out of his pockets, extending his arms out and suggesting with his body language that it was so far off. "We won't know. We'll all be dead."

(?!?!)

Once again...in case you missed that last sentence, "my man" said, "We won't know, we'll all be dead."

WE WON'T KNOW, WE'LL ALL BE DEAD.

Brilliant.

What a guy.

Such character! Strength!! Conviction!!!

Is there any reason to comment...ah, f*ck it.

More later...

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Out of the Mouths of Babes, part II.

Been wondering what Miss USA thinks of Operation Desertfreakingchaos?

Well, according to Reuters, Shandi Finnessey, A REPUBLICAN, said that she "would use her position to help explain America's involvement in Iraq. ‘What needed to be done had to be done,’ she said.”

Great.

Really?

Can I count on that? Because I'm sure that...most of the folks that look up to Miss USA are...crazy liberal.

A bit like Dale Earnhardt, Jr., saying, "You know, I'm gonna talk about Iraq. After the race. 'Coz these race fans are crazy-liberal and they need to know that...what needed to be done had to be done." Don't you think?

What needed to be done had to be done. God, who came up with that gem? Karl Rove? Or "the man" himself? Sounds like something he'd come up with. On the fly. What needed to be done had to be done. Very Bushie. Because it...doesn't...make...any...fucking...sen...oh, forget it.

Hey, Shandi, what happened to "peace for everyone...stopping AIDS...ending world hunger?"

Huh? That stuff doesn't "work anymore?" Damn. Tough work...that pageant stuff.

Do me a favor. As long as you're gonna spread the message...switch it up every once in a while, would ya? Like...what had to be done needed to be done. We had to do what we needed to do. We needed to do what we did. We did what we needed. We need to do what we have to do. Yada yada. Keep it fresh.

Hmmm. You know what? The more I repeat it...the more it makes sense. Actually...the more I repeat it...the more it's true! What needed to be done had to be done, what needed to be done had to be done, what needed to be done had to be done.

Thank you, Shandi. (Sniff.) You've changed my mind.

"Wave that flag...wave it wide and high...summertime done...come and gone....my oh my!"

More later...

Friday, April 16, 2004

Finally…some tough questions for the Cheney Family!

Out of the mouths of babes…

“Cheney's Wife Grilled by Third Graders Over U.S. Vice President's Military History”

(This is not an Onion article. Trust me. Here goes…)

By Soo-Jeong Lee Associated Press Writer
Published: Apr 16, 2004

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) - Lynne Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, faced some tough grilling Friday when she met American and South Korean third graders on a tour of a U.S. military base in Seoul.

Among the questions: "Do you like America or Korea?" and "Did your husband ever fight in a war?"

(Halelujah! Can you believe it?! LITTLE KIDS asking questions the WH press dudes would NEVER ask!)

Mrs. Cheney stopped in at the Seoul American Elementary School on the sprawling Yongsan Army Garrison in the South Korean capital to give a short history lesson from her 2002 book "America: A Patriotic Primer."

(Mentioned previously in this blog – a primer for the kiddies - “G” is for GE, “H” is for Halliburton, “I” is for Islamic Terrorist, etc, etc.)

During the brief question and answer session, Cheney replied that Korea was a "wonderful country" but that "America is my country. I think there is something in all of us that loves our home."

As for the military record of husband Dick Cheney, she said: "He was in college, so he did not fight in a war."

?!?!?

Hmmmmm, sort of, Lynne. She failed to tell the third graders that hubby dropped out of his first college (Yale) in 1962 and returned to Wyoming. (Reported combo of semi-lousy grades, possible partying, and a severe case of homesickness. For more info, check out this article re: Dick and Yale at http://www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=12444.) He then married Lynne, went back to school at the Univ. of Wyoming, and…in his own words…realized that “he had other priorities than military service.”

Like having a kid. The following chart is from the 3/18/2004 Slate article entitled “Elizabeth Cheney, Deferment Baby: How Dick Cheney Dodged the Draft,” by Timothy Noah.

Aug. 29, 1964: Dick and Lynne Cheney marry.

May 19, 1965: The Selective Service classifies Dick Cheney 1-A, "available immediately for military service."

July 28, 1965: President Lyndon Johnson says draft calls will be doubled.

Oct. 26, 1965: The Selective Service declares that married men without children, who were previously exempted from the draft, will now be called up. Married men with children remain exempt.

Jan. 19, 1966: The Selective Service reclassifies Dick Cheney 3-A, "deferred from military service because service would cause hardship upon his family," because his wife is pregnant with their first child.

July 28, 1966: Elizabeth Cheney is born.

Jan. 30, 1967: Dick Cheney turns 26 and therefore becomes ineligible for the draft.

Cool.

So…the correct answer to the “did your husband ever fight in a war” question is, “NO HE GOT OUT OF THE WAR…BECAUSE …ELIZABETH WAS BORN…NINE MONTHS FROM OUR FRIGGING WEDDING NIGHT!!!”

“Ms. Cheney…how did your husband feel about the Viet Nam war?”

Gee. I wonder.

Check this out. A great excerpt from Jane Meyer’s 2/16/2004 article (“Contract Sport”) in the New Yorker.

"Around this time, in 1968, Dick Cheney arrived in Washington. He was a political-science graduate student who had won a congressional fellowship with Bill Steiger, a Republican from his home state of Wyoming. One of Cheney’s first assignments was to visit college campuses where antiwar protests were disrupting classes, and quietly assess the scene. Steiger was part of a group of congressmen who were considering ways to cut off federal funding to campuses where violent protests had broken out. It was an early lesson in the strategic use of government cutbacks."

"Instead of returning to graduate school, Cheney got a job as the deputy for a brash congressional colleague of Steiger’s, Donald Rumsfeld, whom Richard Nixon had appointed to head the Office of Economic Opportunity. According to Dan Guttman, who co-wrote “The Shadow Government” (1976), Rumsfeld and Cheney diminished the power of the office by outsourcing many of its jobs."

Something Dicky "got real good at.”

But let’s return to Lynne’s little sit down with the third graders:

"(Ms. Cheney) was quick to add that the 63-year-old vice president served as U.S. secretary of defense and that "he and I are both proud." Cheney served in that role from 1989 to 1993, directing the Gulf War."

And…privatizing the US military. And figuring out how he could capitalize on that privatization once he went back to the “private sector.” Again, “B” is for Brown & Root, and “H” is for Halliburton. Two companies that can “do a better job building things for the military than the military can.” Wink, wink.

Here’s another great excerpt from Jane Meyer’s New Yorker article.

"The end of the Cold War brought with it expectations of a “peace dividend,” and Cheney’s mandate (as the Sec. Of Defense) was to reduce forces, cut weapons systems, and close military bases. Predictably, this plan met with opposition from every member of Congress whose district had a base in peril."

By the way…most of those congressmen were Democrats.

Oh, life.

A quick list of questions for the next group of third graders:

1. Now that you’ve had time to think about it…will you re-publish “Sisters?”
2. Your husband has had, like, a million heart attacks. Is he “still alive?” If so, how? If not, who’s the double? That guy does a great job.
3. Have you ever eaten at Bubba’s in Jackson, WY? They have awesome pulled pork sandwiches.

More later…

Monday, April 12, 2004

Happy Monday.

This is absolutely my favorite story from the past few days…

From TheStreet.com (4/10/2004).

“Enron's Skilling Reportedly Hospitalized After Bar Episode”

(Hallelujah.)

Former Enron chief executive Jeff Skilling was hospitalized early Friday after police responded to calls saying he was harassing bar patrons on Manhattan's Upper East Side.

(Please say he was harassing the young debs and preps at Dorian’s. Please?)

A police source said callers claimed Skilling was pulling on their clothes and accusing them of being "FBI agents following me," according to the Associated Press.

(“You preddy, mizz FBI lady. Kizz me.”)

Skilling was found by police at 4 am EDT at the corner of Park Avenue and East 73rd Street and determined he might be an "emotionally disturbed person," a source told the AP. He wasn't charged and has since left New York Presbyterian Hospital.

(4 am. Awesome. Two things. One: why can’t the police just “determine” that Skilling was “totally hammered?” Two: Skilling was just a few blocks from one of my favorite NY bars, The Subway Bar, at 60th & Lexington. I’m just saying.)

Skilling was at two bars in Manhattan -- American Trash and Vudu Lounge -- where he allegedly was visibly drunk and acting erratically, the source told the AP. The New York Post reported that at about 3 a.m., he went to Lexington Bar & Books on 73rd Street where he lifted a woman's shirt.

(Classic drunk businessguy move.)

Skilling then left that bar and was taken into custody on Park Avenue where his wife, Rebecca Carter, who was on crutches, fell as she tried to catch up with him.

(I would pay TOP DOLLAR for that video. “Jeff. Jeff! Jeff, you fuggin’ asshole! Fuggin’ stop, n’ wait for me.” Trip. “Ugh! G’dammit. Ow. Ow. Jeff! Jeffffff!!)

Skilling is currently out on $5 million bail after being indicted for fraud and insider trading in the December 2001 collapse of Enron. Prosecutors have alleged he helped mastermind the illicit accounting schemes that helped put the energy-trading giant into bankruptcy, wiping out tens of thousands of investors and employees.

(Dewar’s on the rocks with a water back at the Vudu lounge? Fourteen dollars. Bail? Five million dollars. A presidential pardon? Priceless.)

The AP quoted a police source saying Skilling was intoxicated (no, really?) and uncooperative (c’mon, you’re kidding) when found on the street with his wife. He was taken to the hospital for observation.

(Meaning…he was taken to the hospital to dry out. Think the "Skill-man" is worried about going to prison?)

More later.



.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Another day...Shia and Sunni uprisings...more US casualties...Murdoch backs Bush.

"According to Jim" is still on the air.

Great.

Thank god for baseball...and this little doozy re: King George throwing out the first pitch at the Cardinals' home opener. From the St. Louis Dispatch (4/06/2004):

FLACK JACKETS: President George W. Bush had his choice of jackets to wear when throwing out the first pitch at Monday's Cards opener, said Mark Lamping, Cardinals president. Lamping said the team had a variety of jackets ready, five of them generic jackets with the president's name on them, and a sixth red Cards jacket sans the Bush insignia. Bush, showing himself to be the savvy prez we all know he can be, chose the right red jacket. "We're proud of that," Lamping noted.

(However...)

A somewhat hostile crowd complained mightily about the problems the presidential motorcade caused with regular fans trying to get into the park. A Cards employee tipped moi that the team was so concerned about Bush being booed that they piped in fake applause when he strode out to the mound. Lamping flatly denied it.

(Of course he did.)

Again...THEY PIPED IN FAKE APPLAUSE WHEN HE STRODE OUT TO THE MOUND!

Come on!!!

Man...

I...can't...even...where do I...how...ah...forget it.

But that ain't all that happened in St. Louie on opening day. From the same paper:

"F-15s force copter pilot to land in Spanish Lake"

(Awesome.)

A helicopter trip for a pilot, his girlfriend and her toddler son went from leisurely to a matter of national security Monday when they flew into restricted airspace just as President George W. Bush finished throwing out the first pitch at Busch Stadium.

Two F-15 fighter jets scrambled to intercept the helicopter, circling the aircraft until it was forced to land behind a home in the Spanish Lake area. No one was injured. Police and the U.S. Secret Service said it appeared the wayward trip was an innocent mistake.

"It appears completely unassociated with the (president's) visit," said Tom Canavit, Secret Service special agent-in-charge for St. Louis.

Police and the Secret Service said no charges will be filed against the pilot. But the Federal Aviation Administration might fine or penalize the pilot for violating its rules, Monroe said.

The sight of circling fighter jets caused a stir in Spanish Lake.

(G*ddamm right it did.)

"He had the missiles underneath and everything," said Joe Puszkar, a greeter at Buchholz Mortuary, down the road from the home where the helicopter landed. "It was scary."

(Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo.)

More later.


Monday, April 05, 2004

Another great GW moment:

This is right off today's White House web-site. GW had a neat little exchange with an AP reporter during his remarks to his beloved "Travel Pool." (43 was visiting Central Piedmont Community College in Charlotte, North Carolina.)

Here he goes:

THE PRESIDENT: Let me ask you a couple of questions. Who is the AP person?

Q: I am.

THE PRESIDENT: You are?

Q: Sir, in regard to --

THE PRESIDENT: Who are you talking to?

Q: Mr. President, in regard to the June 30th deadline, is there a chance that that would be moved back?

THE PRESIDENT: No, the intention is to make sure the deadline remains the same.

(Cool.)

Did you catch that? “Who are you talking to?” Subtle…but genius. SHRUB WAS PISSED THAT THE AP DUDE DID NOT ADDRESS HIM AS MR. PRESIDENT AND MADE THE AP DUDE START OVER!!!

Man. That is just so…classic. And...kingly! (Luckily…the "AP person" was allowed to keep his head.)

Wonder if he 10th stepped the reporter for scolding him in public? Oh, that’s right. I forgot. He doesn’t need "the program" ‘coz he’s battling sobriety all by his lonesome.

Great.

I’d like to take this opportunity to suggest Al-Anon for the rest of the country.

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Terrible news from the White House...

Penguin Press will not be "re-issuing" Lynne Cheney's 1981 classic novella "Sisters."

Dammit.

According to an article in today's NY Times, Penguin will not reissue "Sisters," an "historical romance...that includes brothels, attempted rapes and a lesbian love affair," because Frau Cheney does not feel that the book represents her "best work."

(That honor belongs to her childrens's book, "America: A Patriotic Primer.'' It's a sort of "ABC" book that introduces the kiddies to important patriotic words. You know, "A is for America, B is for Bechtel, C is for the Carlisle Group, D is for Demoncrats," yada yada, yada yada.)

Apparently, Lynne has "forgotten the plot." I'm not sure what the plot is me-self, but the posted excerpts are pretty kick-ass. Like this one:

"Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl.''

Hubba hubba.

Away from the "anger and imperatives of men?" Hmm. Who's she talkin' 'bout? Hubby was in the House of Reps during that era. Busy working for the people of Wyoming. Busy carving up Wyoming. Busy working on bills to privatize the military. Musta been good times for the Cheneys. Don't ya think?

So...why the lesbian fantasy, Lynne?

Does this need further comment? Answer: no.

Please call the White House at (202) 456-1414. Tell 'em that you had an original copy of the book, that you read it so many times it disintegrated into nothing, that you "really, really need an new one," and that you'll die without one. Better yet, tell 'em you will not vote for Bush/Cheney until Lynne changes her mind and re-issues her masterpiece. With Rosie and her wife on the cover.