BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Woe to you, oh Earth and Sea!

"For the Devil sends the Beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short!"

Hey. Happy Steeler day.

"Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Beast."

Wanna get away?

"For it is a human number."

www.Raptureready.com

"It's number...is six hundred and sixty six." (Dug uh dugga dugga dugga duh dugga)

www.Raptureready.com

Please? Here's the link.

End times. Good times.

Once again...here's the link.

My favorite section on Rapture Ready dot kick ass? The whole thing. But if I have to pick? "Rapture Ready News" and the "Left Behind Letters."

"Rapture Ready News" contains a few, daily headlines that are, uh, obviously related to the End Times. Such as 'US to Sell Jordan 50 Air-to-Air Missiles," "Bush Plays Down US Food Threat," and "Hamas Official: We Will Agree to Peace With Israel."

Yeah.

Um...

"The Left Behind Letters" are...letters from Evangelicals to those of us who've been "Left Behind." Meaning, those of us who are still here when Armageddon begins. Because the good Christians "disappear" before...all Hell breaks loose.

Yes, the loving notes were written in anticipation/advance of that terrible day. Here's a typical "letter":
Dear Friend,

Are you looking for me?
Not really.

Sorry. Keep reading:
Is the world looking for millions of missing people that have just vanished in an instant? Are all little children around the globe part of the missing group? If so, I can tell you what has happened. Don't believe the very convincing lies you will hear. Don't believe UFO's got us. Don't believe some cosmic reaction erased us.

The truth is - are you ready for this? - we're at a wedding. Yup. In fact, we are the "bride." The "groom" is Jesus, the Messiah, the Promised One from the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (Hear, O Israel!) He has come to take His cride, the true Church and all little innocent ones, out of this world because of what is coming.

Yes, yes, I know. There are all sorts of Christians running around now insisting that this explanation CANNOT be the correct one because THEY are Left Behind. This may include some very visible Christians, like maybe a Pope or something. What does this tell you? It tells you that any "Christian" left behind was a phony. They may have said they believed, blah blah blah, but God knows the heart of men, and He has seen that they are fakes.

Will you ever see us again? Will you ever see your loved ones that are missing? That's up to you. You see, Jesus has removed His bride from the earth in one last attempt to get your attention. Are you paying attention now? Good! Here is what you need to know...
Apparently, you're gonna need to know a bunch of stuff from the Book of Revelations 'coz you're gonna haveta appease Christ when he comes to kick your ass.

A couple of good "nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah" letters on the site, too.

I, uh, I'm gonna finish my coffee.

"I lived alone, my mind was blank, I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind..."

2 Comments:

  • http://frostbyte-debates.blogspot.com/

    You may like this

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:40 PM  

  • what did I see, should I believe

    By Blogger Jessica, at 8:55 AM  

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