BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Uh...more on the...uh...evolution thing...and the idea that...uh...the Grand Canyon is about 6,000 years old.

According to an article in today's Editor & Publisher - an article you can find here -

"...large numbers of Americans remain wary of evolution and continue to see God's hand fully directing the origin of the species."

(Come again?)

"...large numbers of Americans remain wary of evolution and continue to see God's hand fully directing the origin of the species."

(Oh, no.)

"Public acceptance of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution is well below the 50% mark, a fact of considerable concern to many scientists," (AND ME) Frank Newport, editor-in-chief of The Gallup Poll, observed today. He noted that given three alternatives, only 35% say that evolution is well-supported by evidence. The same number say evolution is one of many theories and not well supported by evidence.


"Another 29% say they don't know enough about it to say."

(I don't know much about 'it,' either. But I've been to the buffet at The Vegas Rio. Trust me - we descended from the g'damn apes.)

"Almost half of Americans (45%) believe that human beings 'were created by God essentially as they are today (that is, without evolving) about 10,000 years ago,' acccording to Gallup's poll."

(We are so fucked.)

"(The) report, cited two possible reasons for these findings: Most Americans have not been regularly exposed to scientific study on these matters; or many Americans know about Darwin's theory, but feel it contradicts a literal interpretation of the Book of Genesis."

(Another possible reason for this "finding": most Americans are de-volving...and getting dumber by the fucking day.)

"Indeed, about a third of Americans are biblical literalists," he writes.

(The same "third" that put President Bunnypants back in the White House. Fucking great.)

You know what?

Thank god for the nuns at St. Bernard's. (Mt. Lebanon, PA.) Learned me the evolution thing good. Filled my tiny, Catholic brain with a few interesting thoughts re: evolution. Because we used to badger them about the evolution thing. We'd look at them and say, "Dude, seven days? That's impossible. What about the dinosuars? Cavemen and junk? That stuff is old, man. God could not have made the Earth in seven days."

Drove 'em nuts.

But I clearly remember St. Mary Mary screaming, "Well, it wasn't seven days, like our days, you creeps! One of those Biblical days could've been a billion of our days. Capice?"


Hey, Sister? How about them Steelers?

More on this tomorrow...

Monday, November 29, 2004

Yes, it's time for another episode of...Tales From the Red States.

(Cue theme music.)

In this episode, Evangelical Christians tell the President, "It's payback time!"

In the words of that immortal bully Nelson Muntz, "Ha ha!"

Check out this excellent little USA Today-ish type article (less the "think-and-do pages") from ABC News here.

Some of my favorite excerpts:

"Among some conservative Christians, there is a belief that President Bush received a 'moral mandate' to win the recent presidential election — and they are calling on him to act on their agenda now."

"Values" voters delivered for the president, and the president must now deliver for them — especially in the courts, said Gary Cass, head of a grassroots political organization affiliated with (the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.) , called the Center for Reclaiming America. "It's about the next 40 years and how the courts are going to affect the world in which my children and grandchildren are going to be raised in," he said. Cass wants a U.S. Supreme Court that will outlaw abortion and gay marriage. "Do you want to take your children to a National League baseball game for instance and have homosexuals showing affection to one another? I don't want my kids to see that," he said.

(He's right. Club Level 201-203...Dodger Stadium? Out of fucking control. People getting naked, dudes going down on each other during the's crazy. Don't know what it is about baseball, but "the gays" love to get jiggy in Chavez Ravine. Cute guys in cute uniforms, I guess. Let's return to the article.)

"(Evangelical Christians) believe that if their agenda is not implemented quickly — if their concerns are not addressed in a timely fashion — God will be angry."

(Possible responses from an angry God include plagues, floods, and Armageddon. And a new record from Jessica Simpson. Look out.)

One leading evangelist recently warned, "God's patience runs out." Dr. James Kennedy delivers sermons at Coral Ridge which are broadcast to 3 million homes. He said he knows of no timetable for God's wrath, but wants results fast.

(I have the old timetable. It's in the Old Testament. Dude is not as fast as he used to be. Unless you calculate the number of times you hear the word "Parishilton" in a day. If you do that...His wrath is pretty awesome.)

People who are concerned about the influence of Christianity "have never really surrendered their life to God and submitted themselves to his commandments — and if they did that they wouldn't have so much concern about some court saying again that it's wrong," he said.

("God's law" over "the law of man." Remember that point.)

Asked about the millions of Americans who are not Christian, or have a different interpretation of Christianity, Kennedy said with another laugh: "I couldn't care less. It's true."

(Meaning...the millions and millions and millions of Americans who are not "born again." Meaning...the millions and millions of Americans who are doomed to Life in Hell. Remember that point, too.)


Okay. Here's the thing. The one thing that the Evangelicals really, really want...besides Roe vs Wade and the Gay Marriage thing? The return of Christ. The Rapture. End Times.


Unless W (or his buddy "the Architect") has a big ace up his sleeve...some major pull with God...or the technology to breed the Red Calf...I'm thinkin' that our very dear Evangelical friends are in for some frustrating times. Yeah, a judge here, a judge there. A couple of bucks for some "faith-based" after-school programs. Maybe...low ratings for "Desperate Housewives." Yada yada.

But other than that...I'm not too worried about getting "Left Behind."


More later...

Sunday, November 28, 2004

The best story this morning -

"Pakistani troops leave the hunt for bin Laden?"

No, it's -

"The election in the Ukraine. Fuckin' rigged?"

No, it's much better than -

"Bush Twins shut out of cool, East Vilage bar?"

NO. Lady Di claims that an ex was killed by...people.

"Say what?!"

You can read the whole article in Newsday here.

Apparently, some bootleg Di-tapes, recorded by a former VOCAL COACH (huh?), have appeared. Some pretty boring stuff (Charles was a lousy lover, they never had sex, yada yada), but one very excellent piece of info:

"The most sinister revelation by Diana, who was killed in a 1997 car crash at age 36, concerns her bodyguard, Barry Mannakee, who she says was murdered in 1987 for having an affair with her."

(Get over!)

She calls Mannakee, a married police officer, "the greatest fella I've ever had."

(Hey now!)

Mannakee was moved out of the job when rumors of a liaison with Diana surfaced. Less than a year later, he died in a mysterious motorcycle accident.

(There we go.)

"It was all found out and he was chucked out. And then he was killed. And I think he was bumped off. ... We'll never know," says Diana. She calls his death "the biggest blow of my life."

Cool. Cue the James Bond theme...and cut to a tunnel in Paris.

More later.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

thanksgiving Day, 2004. ? days to Armageddon.

On this day, I am thankful for the Ramones, the new Iron Maiden DVD ("The Early Years" - a must have) and the Reverend Jerry Falwell.

"Yeah. Jerry. I wonder what he's thankful for?"

Well...he told us. This week.

From the Rev's November 21st televised sermon, broadcast from his super-kick ass Thomas Road Baptist Church:

"Let me talk to you about five good things of late ... for which this week I hope you and your family around your Thanksgiving table will praise the Lord. ... No. 5: America has alternative news media and is no longer held hostage by the major print and broadcast media. I remember a day when ABC, CBS, NBC, and CNN and the major print media controlled all the news flow to the American people and we found ourselves getting warped and distorted news. I thank God now in the 21st century for talk radio, that three hours a day people like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and hundreds of others are telling the truth of what really is going on. I thank God for FOX News Channel [applause]. I thank God for the Internet bloggers and the news producers like,, even The Drudge Report."

One more time:

I thank God now in the 21st century for talk radio, that three hours a day people like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and hundreds of others are telling the truth of what really is going on. I thank God for FOX News Channel. I thank God for the Internet bloggers and the news producers like,, even The Drudge Report."

Even the Drudgereport. What a guy.

So what's on the Drudgereport today, Reverend?

"George Michael Terrorized by Woman Stalker," and "Florida Screeners Aked 'Evita' to Strip." Nice, wholesome, Christian Stories. important stories.

Don't worry, Jer. He'll have a story about someone's penis tomorrow. And if you pray real hard, Drudge might post some pictures from the next beheading.

Happy Thanksgiving and Up the Irons!


Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Nicholas Kristof takes on The Rev Tim "Glorious Appearing" LaHaye this morning.

You can find the "must read" Op-Ed piece in the NY Times here.


"You just made the list, buddy."

Me? I'd like Jesus to get this Rapture thing over with asap. So the rest of us can get back to biz as usual. Or at least the mid-to-late 90's.

There's a great moment in the new Iron Maiden documentary ("The Early Years" - a must have, btw) where the entire band laughs off the "American" reaction to the release of the now classic "Number of the Beast" LP. (The "American" reaction shall I say this? Panic.)

Iron after Iron just rolls his eyes and says, "Well, you know, those Americans. Ha."


More later...

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Yes, it's time for "Tales from the Red States!"

In this episode...

"Principal is whipped to punish two teens: Christian school fires educator who says Jesus inspired him"


"The dude whipped himself to punish two young dudes?"

Didn't whip himself. Had another teacher...whip him.


Yep. Here's the link.

More later...

Tom DeLay: The Revenge of the Hammer

Chapter 4

"The D.A. strikes back"

Well, Ronnie Earle, the D.A. from Travis County, TX (currently running the grand jury investigations in TX re: some uber-DeLay cronies) has found himself on the wrong end of a double-barreled, Republican shotgun...and he's fighting back.


Quickly - DeLay's troops on the Hill have been qualifying their (horrific) rule-change vote last week (effectively protecting DeLay's chair in the event of an embarassing TX indictment) by claiming that the Hammer and his Sicles have been the victims of a partisan witch hunt...led by Earle. Of course, the Republicans ignored the inconvenient fact that Earle, an alleged lefty, has gone after more Democratics than Republicans during his 27-years as a D.A. But that doesn't matter to DeLay's troops: to them, anyone who dares to challenge their beloved leader is a scumbag. And fair game.

Earle has had enough. You can read his Op-Ed piece in The New York Times here.

The best thing about Earle's piece? The use of the term MORAL VALUES. SIX TIMES.

As in -

"Politicians in Congress are responsible for the leaders they choose. Their choices reflect their MORAL VALUES."

And -

"The open contempt for MORAL VALUES by our elected officials has a corrosive effect. It is a sad day for law enforcement when Congress offers such poor leadership on MORAL VALUES and ethical behavior. We are a moral people, and the first lesson of democracy is not to hold the public in contempt."


We have to learn how to do that, people. Use their language...language they've spent millions and millions and millions of dollars developing...against them.

Re-framing the debate. That's the challenge.

Another great point in the op-ed piece: DeLay and his troops changed an importantHouse rule even though
"no member of Congress has been indicted in the investigation," and that "none is a target...unless he or she has committed a crime." Operative words in that last sentence?

More later...

Monday, November 22, 2004

Oh, yeah. One more thing.

Apparently...the Grand Canyon? 6,000 years old.

Makes sense to me. Don't need that fancy science no more.


I'm so close to joining.

"Luke, I'm your father. Give in to the Dark Side of the Force, eh?"
"He saw Star Wars seventeen times."

More later...

Good morning.

The only thing you need to read today. I'll make it easy for you.

More later...

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Good morning.

Got hammered at the Billy Graham show last night. Partied in the parking lot beforehand. Drank a case of Zima with some Graham-crackers from San Bernariverside. Passed out during "Trapped Under Ice." Think I made out with some girl, but can't remember.

Can't handle the four night run. Haven't done this since the last Vegas-Dead shows. Might blow off tonight's finale. Which sucks, because someone is gonna jump on stage with my man. That's the cool thing about living in Hollywood. You never know who's gonna show up.

THE MARCH TO IRAQ! (SFX, theme song, drums, cool pictures of Iranians burning the US flag intercut with soldiers storming across the desert)

The latest move from this morning's Washington Post -

"Bush Toughens Line On Nuclear Threats - President Singles Out Iran, N. Korea"

(What about Iraq? Oh, we're there already. Cool. One down, two to go!)

SANTIAGO, Chile, Nov. 20 -- President Bush said Saturday that he believes Iran is continuing to pursue a nuclear weapon, which he called "a very serious matter," and said he had won pledges from Asian allies to increase pressure on North Korea's leader to restart disarmament talks.

"During his reelection campaign, Bush said little about the two nuclear threats. But with aides contending that his victory gave him new international leverage, he took confrontational lines with both countries, insisting they disarm but pledging to pursue that goal diplomatically."

Wait. "New international leverage?!" I thought that the president's victory gave him a national mandate? Gave him "new international leverage, too? Damn.

"That last election was important, wasn't it?"


Hey...we need an evil Iranian guy. We ain't got one. It'll make the march to war so much easier.

Hey...while you were sleeping...or busy chasing your dream:

"Congress Helps Providers Refuse Abortions"

Yeah! Wait...what?! When?!!

WASHINGTON - Congress made it a little easier for hospitals, insurers and others to refuse to provide or cover abortions. A provision in a $388 billion spending bill passed by the House and Senate on Saturday would block any of the measure's money from going to federal, state or local agencies that act against health care providers and insurers because they don't provide abortions, make abortion referrals or cover them.

The AP did not give the numbers re: the vote. But it happened. And it passed. On a Saturday.

Chip away, chip away at the stone. Ba da da da, ba da da da da da da.

More later...

Saturday, November 20, 2004

45,000 Billy fans can't be wrong!

That was the turn-out on opening night. Can't tell how many "Graham-crackers" were at the Rose Bowl last night, but me sure it was bigger than 45k!

Praise Jesus...and what a show. A few classics ("Heaven and Hell," "The Mob Rules"), a few deep cuts ("Wheels of Confusion," "Neon Knights") and a surprise appearance by...Zakk Wylde from The Black Label Society! Dude gave us a blistering version of "Mr. Crowley." Randy Rhodes woulda been proud.

Can't wait for tonight. I'm thinking...Slash?

And while we were busy whooping it up in Pasadena, US troops were gettin' jiggy in Baghdad. By now, you've all heard the reports re: the big raid on an Evil Sunni Mosque after Friday prayers. (No, seriously, a good move.)
But have you heard this? From today's Guardian UK:


"Meanwhile, two Iraqis died as Iraqi forces and US troops tried to storm a Sunni Muslim mosque in Baghdad after Friday prayers, Reuters reported.

US armour had surrounded the mosque and the raiding force opened fire when hundreds of furious worshippers tried to beat them back by pelting them with their shoes, Reuters said."


Wait. Hold on a second. "The raiding force opened fire when hundreds of furious worshippers tried to...beat them PELTING THEM WITH THEIR SHOES."


Confused. Thinking. Brain hurting. Still confused. Will keep reading the article:

"Iraqi and US forces left after detaining dozens of men. (THE SHOE PELTERS? Thank god.) It was not immediately clear if the fatalities were Iraqi troops or worshippers at the mosque but reports suggested they were worshippers."

Uh. Unless the SHOES of those famous SHOE BOMBS we've been hearing about for the past three years...or soaked in depleted uranium...I'm guessing that the fatalities were heavy on the worshipper side.


More later...

Friday, November 19, 2004

Good morning.

Billy Graham at the Rose Bowl last night? Out of fucking control.

War Pigs, Into the Void, Children of the Grave...

Spit on the crowd, jumped around, bit the head off a dove. It was crazy.

BTW - the headline on Drudge this morn?

"Iran in Nuke Race."

Planting the seeds...for a March 2006 blitzkrieg. (How much does he get for that?)


Deja Vu?

Fuck yeah.

"Hey, anyone else talkin' Iran today?"

You bet! The headline from the New York Times: > International > Middle East

"Bush Confronts New Challenge on Issue of Iran"

Wahoo! Some excerpts from the article by Steven Weisman:

SANTIAGO, Chile, Nov. 18 - While assembling a new national security team, President Bush is confronting what could become the biggest challenge of his second term: how to contain Iran's nuclear program and what some in the administration believe to be Tehran's support of violence in Israel and insurgents in Iraq.

In an eerie repetition of the prelude to the Iraq war, hawks in the administration and Congress are trumpeting ominous disclosures about Iran's nuclear capacities to make the case that Iran is a threat that must be confronted, either by economic sanctions, military action, or "regime change."

But Britain, France and Germany are urging diplomacy, placing their hopes in a deal they brokered last week in which Iran agreed to suspend its uranium enrichment program in return for discussions about future economic benefits.

Secretary of State Colin L. Powell thrust himself into the debate on Wednesday by commenting to reporters that fresh intelligence showed that Iran was "actively working" on a program to enable its missiles to carry nuclear bombs, a development he said "should be of concern to all parties."

The disclosures alluded to by Mr. Powell were seen by hard-liners in the administration as another sign of Iranian perfidy, and by Europeans as little new.

* * *

Uh. Uh. Okay. I think I just discovered the secret of time travel. You just...repeat...something...something you had fun doing...and you make everyone else...everyone you the same.

Voila. Repeat experience...repeat fun...time travel.

My god.

Today's crucial article -

More later...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Keith Olberman continues to do the Lord's work. The only national dude addressing the growing storm re: Ohio. Here's an excerpt from his latest blog:

"As the Ohio recount nears, the number of hotspots continues to multiply. You are aware of the remarkable late night voting lines throughout the state, and the mysterious Glitch of Youngstown which initially registered negative 25,000,000 votes. There is the Gahanna machine which gave one presidential candidate 4,000 extra votes in a community of 600. And the farcical “walling off” of the vote counting in Warren County, because the county head of security was told face-to-face of an FBI terrorism warning there - except the FBI says it didn’t issue any terrorism warnings there.

The Associated Press today carries a report of 2,600 ballots in nine precincts around Sandusky, Ohio that were counted twice— as that paper puts it— “likely because of worker error.” The Clyde precinct showed a voter turnout of 131%, to the dismay of the head of the elections board, Barb Tuckerman.

Ms. Tuckerman, in one of the great quotes of the election, told the News-Messenger of Fremont, Ohio: “I knew there was something amiss.”

Tell me about it, Barb."

Oh, the wingnuts are gonna get jiggy with Keith. For sure. I'd love to read the hate mail.

You can find the full posting at -

He is approaching the story with a healthy bit of skepticism, but at least he's appraoching "it." Whatever "it" is.

More later...

Oh, yeah. One more thing. Slipknot will not appear with the Rev. Billy at the Rose Bowl. Instead, get ready for the scary talents of TAIT, JARS OF CLAY, and THE KATINAS.

Smoke up before the JARS hit the stage. You'll have more fun...

Good morning.

Billy Graham begins a four night stint at the Rose Bowl this eve.

Slipknot, Hatbreed and Lacuna Coil supporting.

More later...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Crazy stuff on Bev Harris' site today. Check out for more tales from Bizzarroland. This time, Bev's rocking the free world in...Volusia County, Florida!

Back to the Devil's work. The CIA is the place to be these days, yo.

The headline from today's NYT -

"New C.I.A. Chief Tells Workers to Back Administration Policies"

(Yeah! Wait....what?! Oh, no!)

Excerpts from the story by Douglas Jehl:

WASHINGTON, Nov. 16 - Porter J. Goss, the new intelligence chief (AND TURBO BUSH-DUDE), has told Central Intelligence Agency employees that their job is to "support the administration and its policies in our work,'' a copy of an internal memorandum shows. "As agency employees we do not identify with, support or champion opposition to the administration or its policies," Mr. Goss said in the memorandum, which was circulated late on Monday. He said in the document that he was seeking "to clarify beyond doubt the rules of the road."

(Um. Um. Um. Okay. Wait. "As agency employees...we do not support...opposition to the administration." Um. Um. Sir? What if one of us...uh...finds out know...our policies in the Middle East are making us...uh...less safe...instead of unsafe...and that we of that end...and that...we have to act on that What do we do? "You quit working on that fucking report or you're fired, you God's people hater!" Yeah. Right. Sorry about that. I'll get cracking on the "Iran has a giant nuke and it's pointed at Houston" report. Back to the article.)

While his words could be construed as urging analysts to conform with administration policies, (NO, REALLY?) Mr. Goss also wrote, "We provide the intelligence as we see it - and let the facts alone speak to the policymaker.''

(The scary part of that last excerpt? We - meaning the new, Pro-Bush, neo-con dudes at the CIA - provide the intelligence as we SEE IT - meaning as we WANT IT - and let the facts - meaning the facts that we like and/or the facts that help our pro-Bush cause - speak to the policymaker - meaning King George.)

(Uh. Hold on.)



(Fortunately, there is evidence of a growing war within the CIA. Read on:)

...a second former intelligence official said he was concerned that the memorandum and the changes represented an effort by Mr. Goss to stifle independence. "If Goss is asking people to color their views and be a team player, that's not what people at C.I.A. signed up for,'' said the former intelligence official.

(That's right. They signed up to kick ass. To do crazy shit you and I will never know about. Shit we don't want to know about. Propping up dictators who'll play ball with US companies, overthrowing those dictators when we get sick of 'em, developing laser beams with the Martians, yada yada. And I'm cool with that. I expect the CIA guys to "do what they signed up for," because some of that stuff helps us in the long run, and it protects us from the bad guys. But, more importantly, we need them to be above partisan politics when they do "what they signed up for." Nes pa? They have to be...or we're fucked. Back to the article.)

Tensions between the agency's new leadership team, which took over in late September, and senior career officials are more intense than at any time since the late 1970's.

(Because the senior career officials are reading the writing on the wall - you're either on the bus, a turbo-conservative, pro-Bush bus with a big fucking neo-con engine, or you're off the bus - and they are pissed. And it's war. And it's gonna get nuts...very soon.)

More later...

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Good morning. Today's big story -

Condi steps up? Armitage steps down?


"David Lee Roth training to become EMT"

(Halle-fucking-lujah. Here we go.)

NEW YORK (AP) -- Rocker David Lee Roth, the former Van Halen frontman, is taking up a new trade.

(Because he's sick of touring the nation's Indian Casinos.)

Roth, 50, has been riding for several weeks with a New York ambulance crew in training to become a paramedic, The New York Post reported Tuesday.

(Roth is...50? Oh, man. What year is this?!)

"I have been on over 200 individual rides now," said Roth. "Not once has anyone recognized me, which is perfect for me."

(If you've seen Roth lately, you'd know why. Dude has lost the old lion mane and is looking rough around the edges.)

The singer, who spent a decade with Van Halen before embarking on a solo career, except a collaboration with the band for two new songs on a greatest hits album, has been riding along with crews in the Bronx, Manhattan and Brooklyn several nights a week.

(You better call up the ambulance/ I'm deep in shock/ Overloaded baby/ I can hardly walk)

His training seems to be going well. Several weeks ago, Roth saved the life of a heart attack victim in the Bronx by using a defibrillator.

("Somebody get me a doctor/ somebody get me a doctor.")

He takes his work so seriously that he did not want publicity so that it would not "diminish what I am trying to do here."

(C'mon, Dave, give me a break.)

He has said that he did not want the neighborhoods he was working in named so that he would not draw attention to himself or co-workers."

(Too late. Tons of old Halen fans are probably...knocking themselves out...or shooting themselves in the hopes of meeting Diamond Dave. I know I would. The big question is: who'd make a better EMT...Roth or Hagar?)

More later....

Monday, November 15, 2004

Thought for the day:

Walks like a duck, talks like a a duck.

Oh, yeah. Big ups to Condi Rice, our brand-spanking new Secretary of State. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

Celebrate good times, come on.

More later.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

The next story is a bit dry...but totally kick ass if you think about it.

Put your thinking caps on. Here we go!

From today's NEWSDAY:

"CIA plans to purge its agency - Sources say White House has ordered new chief to eliminate officers
who were disloyal to Bush"

(Yeah! Wait...what?!!)

"CIA plans to purge its agency - Sources say White House has ordered new chief to eliminate officers
who were disloyal to Bush"

(Uh,, right?)

"CIA plans to purge its agency - Sources say White House has ordered new chief to eliminate officers
who were disloyal to Bush"

(...and replace them with officers who will be LOYAL to Bush?)

"CIA plans to purge its agency - Sources say White House has ordered new chief to eliminate officers
who were disloyal to Bush"



November 14, 2004

WASHINGTON -- The White House has ordered the new CIA director, Porter Goss, to purge the agency of officers believed to have been disloyal to President George W. Bush or of leaking damaging information to the media about the conduct of the Iraq war and the hunt for Osama bin Laden, according to knowledgeable sources.

"The agency is being purged on instructions from the White House," said a former senior CIA official who maintains close ties to both the agency and to the White House. "Goss was given instructions ... to get rid of those soft leakers and liberal Democrats. The CIA is looked on by the White House as a hotbed of liberals and people who have been obstructing the president's agenda."

(Okay, wait. Hold on a minute. If...if...if the CIA is "looked on by the White House as a HOTBED OF LIBERALS...WE'RE ALL FUCKED. DO YOU HEAR ME?! WE'RE ALL FUCKED!! Keep reading.)

One of the first casualties appears to be Stephen R. Kappes, deputy director of clandestine services, the CIA's most powerful division. The Washington Post reported yesterday that Kappes had tendered his resignation after a confrontation with Goss' chief of staff, Patrick Murray, but at the behest of the White House had agreed to delay his decision till tomorrow.

(Word is that some of the old dudes at the CIA hate Patrick Murray. Gee, I wonder why? Let's skip ahead.)

Another former CIA official who retains good contacts within the agency said that Goss and his top aides, who served on his staff when Goss was chairman of the House intelligence committee, believe the agency had relied too much over the years on liaison work with foreign intelligence agencies and had not done enough to develop its own intelligence collection system.

(Oh, that pesky liason work. Talkin' with FOREIGN intelligence agencies. Dealing with FOREIGN intelligence officers. Attemptin' to get intelligence from people who might know more about stuff than we do. Man, that method has been proven to be SO ineffective.)

"Goss is not a believer in liaison work," said this retired official. But, he said, the CIA's "best intelligence really comes from liaison work. The CIA is simply not going to develop the assets [agents and case officers] that would meet the intelligence requirements."

(I think dude meant to say, "Goss is not a believer in liason work that, uh, fucks with the White House. Or liason work that, uh, proves that, uh, the White house is wrong.")

Tensions between the White House and the CIA have been the talk of the town for at least a year, especially as leaks about the mishandling of the Iraq war have dominated front pages.

(No, really?)


Hey, do they have an office over at the CIA where they just...make stuff up?

If they didn't...they're about to get one. ("Get me Porter Goss on the phone!")

More later...

Saturday, November 13, 2004


From this morning's Washington Post - please read carefully.

"Deputy Chief Resigns From CIA"
Agency Is Said to Be in Turmoil Under New Director Goss

By Dana Priest and Walter Pincus
Washington Post Staff Writers
Saturday, November 13, 2004; Page A01

"The deputy director of the CIA resigned yesterday after a series of confrontations over the past week between senior operations officials and CIA Director Porter J. Goss's new chief of staff that have left the agency in turmoil, according to several current and former CIA officials.

John E. McLaughlin, a 32-year CIA veteran who was acting director for two months this summer until Goss took over, resigned after warning Goss that his top aide, former Capitol Hill staff member Patrick Murray, was treating senior officials disrespectfully and risked widespread resignations, the officials said.


Several other senior clandestine service officers are threatening to leave, current and former agency officials said.

The disruption comes as the CIA is trying to stay abreast of a worldwide terrorist threat from al Qaeda, a growing insurgency in Iraq, the return of the Taliban in Afghanistan and congressional proposals to reorganize the intelligence agencies."

Okay. Back up a few feet.

"The disruption comes as the CIA is trying to saty abreast of...THE RETURN OF THE TALIBAN IN AFGHANISTAN?!"

Sneaky, huh? Anyone who's been paying attention to "Afghansitan" for the past few years is well aware of the fact that THE TALIBAN NEVER LEFT. Sure, a bunch of dudes bought the farm during Operation Desert Whatever, but most of 'em just bided their time until we turned our attention elsewhere (Iraq). So now...they're back...harassing woman and chasing down secular Aghani dudes with Eminem CDs.

"But wait. My preznint told me that we took care a' them evil doers over there. And we did."

Right. Tell that to Ahmed Kharzai. Dude needs twenty (Titan) security guards everytime he tries to make the dash from office to SUV.

Shouldn't "THE RETURN OF THE TALIBAN IN AFGHNANISTAN" be the lead headline on every fucking paper this morning?

"Nope. Scott Peterson...Guilty."

That's right.

(A few quick thoughts on Goss and the CIA. You'll have to check the "born again" box on your application if you wanna move up through the ranks of this great organization. Good luck to the Catholics, Jews and secular-minded dudes who just love the work! )

More later...

Friday, November 12, 2004

Here we go...

My favorite story today:

"Secret Service pays visit to Boulder High"

Ah, Jesus fucking Christ. Read on -

By Hector Gutierrez, Rocky Mountain News
November 12, 2004

Bob Dylan's Masters of War is a hard-hitting, anti-war song produced more than 20 years before any current Boulder High School student was born.

More than 40 years after its release, the song has been resurrected at Boulder High with huge and confusing repercussions that prompted Secret Service agents to pay the campus a visit Thursday.

Some students and parents apparently let the Secret Service and talk-radio stations know they were unhappy with the plan of a trio of students to do a poetry reading of the song, accompanied by background music, according to Ron Cabrera, the school's principal.

(I'm back - "Some students and parents...let the Secret Service and TALK RADIO STATIONS know...they were unhappy...with the plan of a trio of do a poetry reading of the song." Uh...where do I start... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Return to the article, please.)

Rumors were rampant that during an audition and rehearsal for today's talent show, the students changed Dylan's powerful last verse at the end of the song to say that they hoped that President Bush was going to die.

The last verse begins: "And I hope that you die; And your death'll come soon."

Secret Service agents interviewed Cabrera on Thursday to determine what all the uproar was about and whether any threats were being made against the president's life.

"They were following up and doing their due diligence," Cabrera said of the agents' visit. "They had been receiving calls from the community and, in the course of the talk show, felt like they had heard (the students) inciting physical harm to the president."

Cabrera said he talked to the students and teachers who have been working with them, and he was told the group, which calls itself the Coalition of the Willing, made no reference to Bush.

"I don't know why it surfaced," Cabrera said of the complaints. "I think they're surprised by all the allegations."

(You don't know why the complaints surfaced?! Wingnuts! Boulder ain't as yummy-crunchy as it used to be, man.)

Cabrera said he also showed the agents the lyrics of the entire song. The agents appeared to have left satisfied that no bona-fide threat was being directed at the president, he said.

(Were they Dylan fans? Don't think you'd get a gig with the SS if you have a copy of "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan" in your collection. Goddammit.)

The principal said the students' performance of the song at the talent show upholds their right to express themselves, and he did not think it was inappropriate in a campus setting.

(Damn straight.)

I wonder what TALK RADIO STATION took up this cause. Gee...any gueses?

More later.