BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Saturday, September 06, 2003

‘ello, kiddies.

I’ve good news for ye.

Finally…

Britney speaks!!!

From the Drudgereport…

BRITNEY COMES OUT SWINGING FOR BUSH
Wed Sep 03 2003 19:35:45 ET

Britney Spears came out swinging for President Bush on Wednesday during an interview with CNN's Tucker Carlson.

CARLSON: A lot of entertainers have come out against the war in Iraq. Have you?
SPEARS: Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.
CARLSON: Do you trust this president?
SPEARS: Yes, I do.
CARLSON: Excellent. Do you think he's going to win again?
SPEARS: I don't know. I don't know that.

END

Thank the sweet baby Jesus. It’s over. What a powerful interview. Too much hardcore political analysis for my tiny brain to process.

And it hurts.

I’ve been wondering where my favorite politico would come out on “the whole war thing.” Like all the other pre-teens who’ve been desperately waiting for word from Britney (ie our queen), I can now make up my own mind re: Iraq. Thus, I, too, will follow the President in every decision he makes and will “just support that” and will “be faithful in what happens.”

Here goes.

(Pause)

Whoa. Waitaminute.

Oh my god.

I haveta say…life is already, like, SO MUCH EASIER! Like, instantly!

God, what have I been thinking! Why have I been doubting Him?! What’s my fucking problem?!! If I would’ve adopted Britney’s (blind faith) back in the fall of 2000, why…I’d be so much happier now! But no, I had to “take the other side” and doubt his EVERY move, like, all the time. What a fool! It’s so much cooler to think that GW is fighting for me instead of worrying about the ways that he’s “F-ing me” in the face.

Boyo, it feels awesome! No more worries! No more cares! No more obsessing about Halliburton and John Ashcroft and the Carlisle Group! I’m (finally) free to concentrate on the important things in Merican life, like adding a new gym onto my Bel Air mansion or eating at Orso or buying fake vintage t-shirts from Urban Outfitters! I’m (finally) free to roam the internet, looking for cool stuff like girls and dating tips and Atkins Diet junk. Man, I’ve been wasting so much time reading foreign reports of “the stuff” that’s going on in my own country. (What a maroon!) Judges schmudges! Deregulation schmee-regulation! Seriously! Britney and me have other worlds to conquer! We’ll let GW do his job and…he’ll let us do ours!

Huh? What’s our job? Well, Britney sings…and me buy things. That’s me job! Me buy things to help the ‘conomy.

I must say...her doubts about the next election are troubling. Buck up, little camper: I know you have faith!

If everyone feels the same way Brit and I do, come election time, maybe we won’t haveta have one!

I’ll wait for further word from Britney and will then make up my own mind accordingly.

“Show me how you want it to be…”

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