BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Happy Thursday.

I was fairly certain that I was gonna jot down a few thoughts about Arnold jumping into that race fer govnuh…until I read this:

Gary Coleman on California ballot
Thursday, August 7, 2003

(CNN) -- Gary Coleman, child star of the sitcom "Diff'rent Strokes," has placed his name among a host of other celebrities in the running for California governor.

Coleman's candidacy was engineered by the East Bay Express, an Oakland-area newspaper, which paid his $3,500 filing fee, collected the necessary petition signatures and is promoting his candidacy in protest of the scheduled vote aimed at recalling Gov. Gray Davis.

(Wait. Is that “East Bay Express” or “East Bay XXX-Press?” I’m just wondering. Back to the article.)

Coleman's campaign treasurer, Steve Buel, editor of the East Bay Express, told CNN that the actor's name "resonates with the voters."

(Hell yes it does. Resonates with me…at least. Suggests “excellence.” Back to the article.)

Buel said he had no trouble getting the necessary 65 petition signatures from Independent voters in Alameda County, which he gathered at a recent Oakland A's baseball game.

(From homeless people sitting up in the nosebleeds. Back to the article.)

The Alameda County Registrar of Voters confirmed Wednesday that a representative for Coleman filed the necessary petition signatures and paid the required fee at the courthouse in Oakland, California. He registered as an Independent.

California voters will decide October 7 whether to recall Gov. Gray Davis, a Democrat, and who should replace him.

(Hopefully, California will replace Davis with Coleman.)

"I thought (the recall) was a joke. They thought it was a joke. And I thought, hey, why not," Coleman, 35, told CNN. "I'm probably the least qualified for the job, but I'll have some great people around me."

(Like who? Todd? Mr. Drummond? Dana?! Is she still alive?!! Thought she died during her “last” Vegas hold-up. Note to self; check “E’s” web-site for info re: Dana Plato. Wait. What about “Nancy?” You gotta call Nancy! Tell her that you’re running, dude. She’ll be psyched. Oh, I know; she’s been super-busy with Ron. But, for chrissakes, Gary, she RAN California. Back in the day. Breaking up student protests in Berkeley. Deregulating stuff for pals. Closing industrial plants in Los Angeles ie eliminating “annoying union jobs from the state.” She knows how to do it, man. Trust me. Call her. She’ll drop some knowledge on you.)

"It's true that there is a farcical quality to the entire recall effort. But Gary's candidacy is no more farcical than that of Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Arianna Huffington, or the comedian Gallagher," Buel said.

Schwarzenegger, Huffington and Gallagher have all announced they will seek to replace Gov. Davis.

(Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Gallagher? Gallagher?! WHICH ONE?!! There are two “Gallaghers” working the nation’s casinos, Mr. CNN! The real one and his brother. Which one is it?! Oh, this is officially out of hand, people.)

Schwarzenegger's announcement came at a Wednesday afternoon taping of NBC's "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno.

(And just a few days after ticket sales for “T3” trickled down to nothing.)

Coleman, speaking shortly after film star Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he was running for governor, predicted that Schwarzenegger would win -- and Coleman said he would vote for the "Terminator."

(Gary, Gary, Gary. Making a concession speech the same day you announce your candidacy? That’s not how it’s done, Gare-bear. C’mon, man. Have some faith. You’ve got a chance! Fight. Come up with a cool platform and run. I believe in you, dude. You’re an underdog. People love underdogs. David vs. Goliath, man. Literally! Hey, if you’re not gonna do it for me, do it for those 65, homeless Athletic fans who put their name on the dotted line for you.)

"Now that Arnold is in the race, there is no race. Gray Davis needs to pack his bags," he said. "I'm going to stay in the race, but I'm not going to campaign."

(Stop it! Bad form, bad form, bad form. “I’m not going to campaign?” Are you insane? I appreciate the “diff’rent” approach to politics, but it’s not gonna work. You gotta get out there with a message, man. No matter what it is. You are Gary Coleman. When you speak, people listen. Just keep it simple. “No More Jobs.” “Let’s Get Rid of Barstow.” “Nick at Nite in Every Home.” Hey, who’s your campaign manager? Make him watch C-Span for a couple of days. Crossfire. He’ll figure it out.)

On Diff'rent Strokes from 1978 to 1986, Coleman played Arnold Drummond, who, along with his brother, Willis (played by Todd Bridges), was adopted by a wealthy man after their mother, the man's maid, died.

(I did not know that! Their mom was Mr. Drummond’s maid? Cool. Was that in the pilot? How did she die? What? Holding up a video store in north Vegas? Ha, ha. Very funny.)

His trademark retort, "Whatchu talkin' 'bout," became a well-known catch phrase.

(You mean, “Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?”)

(Soleil Moon Frye is expected to announce her candidacy on Friday.)

(More later.)

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