BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Wednesday, August 13, 2003


The Bushies had many “reasons” for this costly operation in Iraq; Sadaam’s a bad guy; the dude is responsible in a round-about way for 9/11; the Iraqi people can’t wait to be liberated and we wanna be the ones who liberate them. However, their biggest and baddest reason for throwing 145,000 ‘merican soldiers at Sadaam was Sadaam’s monstrous stock-pile of WMD’s. As far as the neo-cons were concerned, Sadaam was 45 minutes away from nuking Indiana with that stock-pile and that’s why we had to take him out. They ranted and raved about that stock-pile until John Q Public bought the pitch hook, line and sinker. John Q then sat back in his comfy chair and anxiously awaited for the day when he could turn on Fox to watch our soldiers dig up that stock-pile that threatened his wife, his kid, his girlfriend, and his wood-shed business.

Well, that Fox-friendly scene hasn’t happened. According to military and intelligence insiders who aren’t afraid of pissing off the prez…it ain’t gonna. And so…John Q is asking questions. (“The price of gas ain’t come down at all. Fact, ‘sgone up. Why?”) And, he’s wondering why our soldiers are dying at the alarming post-Baghdad Victory Parade-rate of one a day.

Cut to Karl Rove’s office. The task? Re-re-re-re-re-re-reminding John Q why we got into this mess in the first place. The (new) answer? “Sadaam’s” dreaded “Weapons of Mass Destruction Program.”

Not his “weapons of mass destruction,” but his “weapons of mass destruction PROGRAM.”

Pro-gram (n) 1. a plan of action for achieving something.


“Like, my plan to build my wood shed business into something that could compete with Home Depot ‘coz I know tools better than they do?”
“Like the plan I scribbled out on that IHOP napkin?”
“You got it.”
“Uh oh.”

Weapons of Mass Destruction Program.

Listen carefully when the Bushies use that brand-spanking-new term to qualify the military operation in Iraq in the weeks to come.

It’ll be subtle at first. For instance…at his wildly exiting press conference on July 30, GW told a group of White House recorders that, "It’s going to take time for us to gather and analyze the mounds of evidence, literally the miles of documents that we have uncovered. Meaning, “We don’t need to find missiles and chemicals because we have papers that prove that the evil-doer was thinking about them.”

Then, as soon as John Q is fattened up on a steady diet of terms like “WMD PROGRAMS” and “MILES OF DOCUMENTS”, the powers at be will run excerpts from the “WMD PROGRAMS” and “MILES OF DOCUMENTS” on Drudge, Rush and Fox. And there will be much rejoicing.

I take that back. They’ll run those excerpts as soon as GW finishes his month-long “working vacation” at his ranch (now celebrating its FOURTH year!) in Crawford, Texas. And there will be much rejoicing.

Again, people; the miles of DOCUMENTS. Papers. Papers that will prove that Iraq had a WMD Program. Papers that will justify the deaths of American soldiers and innocent Iraqis and the 600 billion dollars that is moving from our treasury to Bechtel and Halliburton.

Because you don’t need to find actual WMD’s if you got papers that prove that someone was thinking about them.

Any chance that there’s a half a mile of receipts from the US companies that sold WMD parts to Iraq in the 80’s and 90’s in those miles of documents?



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