BRANDOLAND: Talking to God...For You!

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Quickly - Can’t stand the fact that the following excerpt if from Murdoch’s NY Post, but it’s a good one. Found it off a link from Buzzflash.com.

Get ready:

April 29, 2003 -- HUSTLER magazine honcho Larry Flynt is hunting for a videotape rumored to show First Daughter Barbara Bush in the nude.

Flynt's cronies are scouring the New Haven, Conn., campus of Yale University, where Barbara, 21, is a student, in hopes of buying a video supposedly made at one of Yale's notorious "naked parties."

"We definitely have heard the story and we definitely have a rep over there but so far we have not been able to substantiate anything - yet," Flynt told PAGE SIX yesterday. "But usually where there's smoke, there's fire, so we're still looking."

“A source says Barbara has attended plenty of the bare-all bacchanals, a Yale tradition in which overworked Ivy Leaguers relieve stress by doffing their duds and drinking some suds.”

Fantastic.

I was not familiar with “Yale’s notorious naked parties,” and will work the phones this morn to get a personal account or two.

Having said that, is it any wonder that the young Barb has “attended plenty of the bare-all bacchanals?” She’s the Bush twin who led the Secret Service on a high-speed SUV chase through Connecticut, right after she tried to lose them in the log-jam of a busy Tri-State toll plaza. (She was returning to New Haven from a night of “partying” in NY with some pals when she decided to play “Fast & Furious” on the Cross Bronx with the men assigned to protect her.)

I was hoping that SOMETHING fun would happen while Barb was at Yale (you know, like a photo of a bar dance at Toad’s Place), but never thought it would be this good.

(Any chance that similar footage of GW exists? We all know that he relieved his own collegiate stress with suds. What are the chances that he doffed his own duds? Doff? Duds? Ah, the fine art of tabloid journalism.)

The only drag re: the above-mentioned story is this:

“The footage in question was allegedly taken at a naked party several months ago, and Flynt's foot soldiers have been in talks with a student who says he is friends with the guy who has the tape.

"Flynt offered the person $1 million," says our source. "But he doesn't have it - he says his friend does. So it's kind of in limbo."

Damn.

How much you wanna bet the Secret Service went straight to Def-Con V yesterday? And what are the odds that the Secret Service will find these “dudes” before Larry does? I’m guessing that THEY ALREADY HAVE. Those two unfortunate frats (“C’mon, Chip, break out the digi-cam. She’s his fucking daughter!”) are probably twenty miles below sea level, in the top-secret chamber beneath the Skull & Bones Club, duct-taped, bound, gagged, naked and freaking. (Oh, the irony!) If they haven’t snagged the “dudes” yet, YOU KNOW the Secret Service will SWARM over New Haven until they do.

If it does exist, the tape (and the dudes) in question will not last the day.

(I knew a kid who SWORE that the Secret Service burned his Stanford dorm down because they were looking for anti-Chelsea material. A girl on his hallway made some stupid remarks about hurting the young Clinton girl, and the next thing HE knew, his floor was in flames and the rest of his dormmates were looking for new housing.)

How did the naked party “slip by” those assigned to protect GW from his daughters? Come on. “Secret Service - Barbara Bush Detail” rule numero uno; Barb is not allowed to go to a naked party. Period. In fact, Barb is not allowed to get naked. She can “disrobe if she is showering,” but that’s it. (“Sorority sisters will be led out of the building until the shower is completed and the First Daughter is back in her Donna Karans.”) YOU KNOW that New Haven is teeming with agents assigned to CONTROL Barbara and to keep her from things like “naked parties,” because in the months before 9/11, the Bush Twins were in full “Girls Gone Wild” mode, W’s approval rating was in the LOW-40’S (fact), and the White house was running scared.

Ari used to scream and yell at the press (on a daily basis) over Bush Twin reports like this.

“Those girls are off limits!”
“Give us a break, Ari. They’re hilarious.”
“THEY are none of your business!”
“Didn’t you see the photo of Jenna tackling her gal pal at a UT spring break party? She’s holding a smoke AND a bottle of Michelob. It’s awesome.”

Hey, don’t get me wrong; I’m totally down with whatever Barbara wants to do while she’s “studying” at Yale (especially if it’s potentially embarrassing to her father). I went to college. I know what’s going on. My name is on a plaque (somewhere in Evanston, IL) for doing 200 shots of beer in 200 hundred minutes. I get that kind of collegiate behavior. However, my dad was not the President of the United States. I didn’t have to worry about “what would happen to him” if I attended a bare-all bacchanal, because there’d be zero chance that my naked photo would end up in Hustler. (It might end up in Frat House Fuck, but - oh, god, that’s a scary thought. Nevermind.)

Barbara has to worry about these things. Is that fair? Not to her. But that IS the way it IS. I’m sure that the WH is still in a huff about Uday Hussein having a picture of the twins on his gym wall (what’s that about?), but this is ten times worse, ‘coz Larry will publish the photo if he wheels across it. This is the man who brought down Bob Livingston, the former Republican Speaker of the House, with very real threats of exposing some very real behavior during the final days of the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal because he wanted to teach the Repubs a lesson; he ain’t afraid of the Bushies.

Note – I never had the chance to attend a bare all bacchanal in college. Never even heard of one. I did lip-sync my way through Black Sabbath’s “Vol. IV” (in its entirety) in front of a chapter-roomful of people, (a full-on Ozzy impersonation for about an hour) but that’s a “whole ‘nuther story.”

And another thing: what the hell is Rupert doing with a story like this in his newspaper? Why would he be giving Larry Flynt, GOP public enemy #3 (right after Bill and Hillary), free publicity?! It doesn’t make any sense. I’d expect to see a blurb like this in the Village Voice or the LA Weekly, but not the NY Post. The Post is the vanguard of mainstream, conservative propaganda and scandal in the US. It’s their job to take down liberal freakshows like Michael Jackson and Gary Condit. They’re not supposed to eat their own.

So why is Rupert giving free advertisement to Larry Flynt?

Answer? Sex sells…even if we’re talking about a Bush twin.

It got my attention.

Can’t avoid the brainwashing,
Brando.

X-men. Tonight at midnight. Ya-hoo!

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